317 / 1424
317
sent urgently for Tess and her; also that she must go to Madras and look for him
and keep him there till the tickets come…
… Ramalingam comes to see G.M and I: he wants to marry a girl against her
family’s will and plans to take her away next week, marry her in another place, and
bring her to Auroville; and he asks us to find them a place to live…!
*24-5-1980, Auroville:
Several people have asked for a “Centre organisation meeting” to be held at the
house here: Dennis, Bill S, D.W and Sally, Ruud, Jossie, Noh, John H, Jacq, Pas, all
gather here and I make tea for everyone… The general feeling is that a few of us
should be given the responsibility for admission in the Centre area and in the
Kitchen, and for contributions… Both Jacq and Bill S ask again that the men who
take care of “Sincerity” (tend the garden, fill everybody’s water tank, etc) should
stop eating in the Kitchen… I have consistently opposed this move in the past, but
now… I can’t help thinking I might as well stop eating there too… But then, if I cut
myself off from the “collective” life, I should also withdraw from the “Envelopes” as
the Centre representative…!
… There are these moments when inner tears well up in me… Sometimes it is a
terrible sense of my incapacity to love… There are so many beings – people – here,
whom I am unable to turn to with love, even with tenderness…!
*25-5-1980, Auroville:
In the middle of the night, I noted down a strange dream-experience, of a woman-
divinity, a goddess, lodged within a mountain, fighting Death’s assaults with the
sheer force of true consciousness. I then felt so… terribly lonely! Was it the need,
the absence of a woman’s soul wedded to mine? There was this need to hold and be
held, rightly and safely… I felt like searching for her to the ends of the earth…
*26-5-1980, Auroville:
Gl and Piero have returned from their journey. They show us two neat brochures,
printed in New York, on this “twin” Auroville-city that Navajata has launched near
Calcutta; there is also included a text on his new political party, “Auro-Congress’
with plenty of quotes from You and Sri Aurobindo and a constitution promising
equal rights, equal justice and equal distribution of riches to all the people of the
world… The plan of the city-to-be shows a “Transformation Tower” at its centre.
They also distribute Your Blessings…! As for “our” Auroville, it is to host and shelter
the Presidium of their new World-Government… They seem to have been getting
quite some funding already, while here we struggle for a single bag of cement or a
bundle of binding-wire…!
… To crown it all, Yus now tells me that Narad, along with Patricia and F.Gr, have
decided to split the Gardens from the Matrimandir and do separate fund-raising…
Alright. I gaze at that near-emptiness with wonder and a kind of despair that is…
the kind of acceptance veering to insanity…: everything feels so miserable!
What does it mean that people like Navajata, using You the way they do, thrive and
become successful…? I wouldn’t be bothered if there were sufficient balance and
cohesion here…