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*25-6-1980, Auroville:
Ramalingam has taken poison. There was a whole drama in the village and G.M was
called very early this morning and had no time to come and get me… At noon he
sends Narasingham for me, asking that Marcia and I meet him in Jipmer; Pas stays
at “Dana” to see to the work…
G.M had picked Ramalingam right from the street in the village where people had
left him lying and, along with Narasingham, taken him to the emergency ward in
Jipmer, just in time… He is now asleep, plugged to IV lines, recovering…
… Giri, the President, died yesterday…
… We wait for the doctor-in-charge; he says that Ramalingam might need some
new blood as the poison had already moved into his veins when he was brought in,
but he is not yet sure; he asks us to come back in the night…
… Pnina has sent a big parcel of gifts for Noh and me, and for Pas, Phil, G.M and
Marcia…
… The Inspector Thomas has come to Matrimandir this afternoon to renew the 144
sanction…!
… G.M and I ride back to Jipmer in the evening. Ramalingam is awake. I can see
the resistance in him. We feel, we believe we know, that he is bound to us within,
and yet he has not the opening, the experience or the clarity that he would need to
take his stand and make his choice, and he can find no support around him either…
Manavelan has also come and will stay there for the night… We have another
argument with the clerks there with their “rules and regulations”…!
*26-6-1980, Auroville:
Ramalingam is better, more positive; he says he will come to us when he has
cleared his mind…
… Jacq brings me my copy of Your Agenda…
*27-6-1980, Auroville:
It is almost noon and I am resting inside the house; the weather is grey and heavy.
With no reason, no cause I can trace, my whole system becomes at once very
tense. It is not a pressure from above as usual: it is rather like a mass pressing
from within “things”, I cannot explain… It stays on. It does not move, nor fluctuate.
It lasts till about 3 pm. Then it lingers, but now more localised, more like the
normal pressure above the head…
This has kept me very centred, very gathered; there is a feeling of truth with it,
which nothing can cheat… It has been so intense that I have some difficulty to
stand on my legs and not to tremble… But all through, there has been this
gratitude…
This is the purest and most beautiful thing I know, Mother, this gratitude! And I
didn’t want ever to be relieved of this pressure; I felt that my body knew that this
was Grace, and proof that I am not abandoned, that the very process that alone
can make this life worth living is continuing, is happening…
… There is a sense that something momentous is happening in the very substance
of the world, and a surprise that everything appears to go on “normally”…