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work! They want to erect parts of the scaffold at a distance from Matrimandir and
push them in later on…!
… The kittens are growing and… getting attached! And annoying too! So, this time,
I must find the way. I ask Nat whether he could take them to his house, just trying
my luck, and, to my surprise, he accepts! I too am attached: they are lovely! But I
had wanted “independent” cats, and that species doesn’t seem to exist…!
… Today I have seen so many things I want to change, things I do not want to
manifest anymore… Lord! You have so many impossible problems! How do You
manage?
*2-7-1980, Auroville:
I go to John H, before work, to let him know we are not abandoning him, we are
there, G.M and I, but we just have to finish the roof of the house in “Dana”… He
says that finally everyone kept working, and it is alright…
… I feel dazed. I sit by myself in the Kitchen, unfitting, unable to “adjust”; I don’t
like people’s jokes, their way of life, the noise they make; they are teasing G.M’s
dog and I don’t like that; I feel nothing towards them: we just have this notion that
we are all in Auroville for the same thing, but I do not KNOW that, except for a very
few…
*4-7-1980, Auroville:
Mid-morning I make the rounds to collect the monies. I go to M.T and ask him
whether he and Val could, from their unit, try and contribute pocket-money for
those at the Centre who don’t have any…
… No cement will be available for a week; the work in “Dana” is held up…
… At the “Envelopes” meeting, Cl.B gives me news of J and G: it seems that G has
gone off his mind a bit, he has turned even against J his own brother; I sense this
is critical, that he needs help of a kind none of us can provide, almost an occult
help; that there is something he has inherited from birth, a deficiency somewhere
between his mind and his emotions… I pray to You: he needs help! Cl.B tells me
that J seems to be coping well, to be centred; with sufficient clarity…
*5-7-1980, Auroville:
When I go out for flowers, after writing my dreams at day-rise, I find…: O.P! His
dear face, his being, right there: he had come in the night and, not wanting to
disturb me, slept a little in the garden… Eight years have passed! I am happy; I
take him inside the house and he lies down to rest.
Little by little he tells me of his life, now centred on dance; he has joined Béjart’s
company and is now also doing choreography; and I can see how much of a grace it
is for him, for his own progress, and the cohesion it has given him.
He asks to stay here with me instead of going to the Guest House… I want to be
careful, though, given the intense experience we had in the past, but it should be
alright…
Later, when I go to see whether P is ready to come with me and check on that log
of wood that is on offer, I find the children all intrigued and curious about this new
friend in the house… They follow me back – Jyotis, Dayini, Ritam and Sukrit -, four
adorable little angels chattering away, and their voices awaken O.P…