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There is the lack of any beautiful movement between people: things like loyalty,
truthfulness, tenderness, these jewels of human experience, seem to be denied
here, or negated…
Perhaps spirituality is the last, and the meanest, of all resistances, and the most
persisting poison…!
There will probably be other times ahead when I will feel attuned again to some
shared movement, there will again be simple joy and the flow of energies, but it is
in these dry and empty periods that, I believe, the situation is perceived most
objectively, bare of the clothing lent it by those very energies that merely pass and
leave us unchanged, but for an added nostalgia..
*29-7-1981, Auroville:
I have been reading “The Persian Boy”… I had not been aware of how near and
deep and endearing was the figure of Alexander the Great! But this was a real living
soul! You both must have been somewhere around! There’s much of Sri Aurobindo
in him, I feel, and the relationships that his presence and his fire wove and elicited
were so beautiful…
… Is there still a Will to change us, to turn us into sparks of the Real, into powers of
the Being?
What is the meaning of a few great stars leaving but burning trails on this crowded
planet, if what remains must go on unchanged…?
*30-7-1981, Auroville:
This afternoon, on Larry’s request, I pick up Thera at “Aurodam” and take her to
Pondy to see the magnetos copy of Satprem’s interview at the “Alliance Française”.
There are about 30 of us gathered in a small room before a TV-like screen…
The door re-opens and in the daylight entering I meet Diane’s eyes… so wide and
deep and straight from her to me and from me to her, after the inner storm… And I
know we are together…
G.M and Marcia are with her: G.M has arranged it, with his love for me and his
friendship for her, and he is watching me with a childlike pleasure…
*31-7-1981, Auroville:
G.M has asked me to bring Nath for dinner at “Dana”; but he’d planned to invite
Diane as well! He is laughing at it, a mischievous kid; I don’t know whether I am
angry or happy, but he, my friend, has every right on me…!
Marcia arrives then, with Diane. We both feel awkward and glad at the same time,
half hiding it, half giving it out, saying nothing… G.M makes us laugh, then, with the
story of the latest fight at Matrimandir, between Phil and Piero (a general meeting
has been called about it for tomorrow)… Before taking Nath back, I just manage to
ask Diane to come, later.
And she comes.
She has tried to return to her “normal life”, being “saved” from me… But she has
been missing me all the same… After the abortion, she had a tough week, with
constant pain in her spine due to the anaesthesia… She has moved to a hut in
“Protection”, alone…
She says she will make it clear to people that they must stop harassing her with
these formations about me…