396 / 1424
396
*25-9-1981; Auroville:
Rumour or information, we “learn” that M.B and SSJ’s group are hiring many
villagers – hundreds? – to work on those fields they have separately purchased. An
emergency meeting is called to decide what to do. Diane and I reach only at the
end of it: along with G.M I insist that, instead of going to the field and try to
prevent the arrival and delivery of people and materials, we should go to Th’s
house in “Certitude”, where M.B is staying; everyone agrees to this and at once
moves over there…
John H and I go to inform the Green Belt people about it; when I rejoin Diane and
the others – Uma and Shankar have moved into Th’s house already -, Diane is
upset at me for going with John H and, goaded by the antagonism her “friends” are
directing at me, she confronts me there and then about my “ambivalence”; she
compares the warmth with which I responded to John H with the coolness I express
towards her, she bursts with it…
I understand. I try to tell her of my own “history”, of how I have been constantly
experiencing this living question, how it is kept, held before me; and this talk
appears to somewhat comfort her…
*27-9-1981, Auroville:
This morning we go to the field and explain to the villagers who have been hired
why we must stop the work they have been told to do. Ojha has actually been in
favour of our moves; we wait for his corroboration and for the Police’s decision…
And this evening M.B and his group are obliged to themselves remove their
materials…
… The nerves are hurting again; it is not a localised pain, but a steady,
unfluctuating, deep ache straining the body through, as if a cry in the subtle sheath
was resounding here as pain… I have to withdraw into silence, and Diane
understands; and it does us some good, we grow a little closer…
*28-9-1981, Auroville:
I observe that this pressure on the nerves does not subside even when I run; it
remains constant…
*29-9-1981, Auroville:
I have remained withdrawn, out of sheer necessity.
It is one of these times when, just to look back a few days, one feels repulsion:
wanting never to return to that condition…!
*30-9-1981, Auroville:
F.S has come back for a short visit; he tells me of his life in Florida with Lila, where
he works as a production manager for a big resort…
… Today a first letter has come from C.E and V, who are now in Nice…
*1-10-1981, Auroville: