413 / 1424
413
*18-2-1982, Auroville:
Diane is laying conditions: I must prove to her that I want a life with her, and for
this it is as if I must turn away from wherever and whomever I have given myself
to, opened myself to…
This morning she comes to “talk” and goes as far as to threaten that she will return
to “Jaïma” and to Jean and her kids… with our child yet unborn…!
In a way I wish this was all my fault alone, and You would just show me what to do
and I’d do it and it would be fine… But it is also with her and in her…
I only answered that I was going to Pondy for cement and would continue with the
construction of that room; that this was the expression of my trust in our
relationship, and I had nothing else to say…
And I left.
*19-2-1982, Auroville:
This morning at “Last School”, J.Cl comes to tell me the latest news form Delhi: the
Supreme Court, after hearing the Government and Nariman, has taken a definite
and categorical stance against the SAS, their claims and positions; this has come
out in radical and overwhelming manner… There is still one more day allotted to the
Case, before the final Verdict is issued…
*20-2-1982, Auroville:
The nights are very difficult, for both of us; but for G.M and Marcia as well. Marcia
even had a very precise dream of pujas being conducted in their very house,
against them…! (Marcia is from Brazil…!)
*21-2-1982, Auroville:
Everything is a question, isn’t it? Every moment, every circumstance is a question
in itself: how to do this, how to respond to that, how to be true in this world… And
it all merges sometimes into one growing need for consciousness…
… I wake Diane up at 5 am and we go to the amphitheatre to watch the Urn lit near
the Urn for Your birthday… Diane is worried about me, with the nights I have had,
but somehow, I feel strangely very well…
The Fire is lean; it burns high and fast, smokeless, with dense green gold flames
against the still dark star-studded sky…
… Krishna has now realised how our relationship has been a problem for Diane, and
it affects him… And this morning, Diane and I almost have another scene, about
him, and something just snaps within me: I don’t care; I can’t care any more…!
*22-2-1982, Auroville:
Tonight we go watch the play performed by the “Aspiration” group; poetry, music
and dance, with petit Pas as a pivotal figure, with text from Satprem and from
“Savitri”: there is quality. It is a relief…!
*23-2-1982, Auroville:
The nights leave me raw, with a lingering sadness.