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Diane wants to attend the follow-up meeting, so we go. There are so many reports,
it takes so long…
When it is over, Arjun comes to me; he tells me at length of the Coop work, of how
it is with Ojha now… I fully appreciate Arjun’s constancy and freedom in our
friendship; I am grateful for it and I respect him all the more for it! (I have still this
“hang-up”, that I need to feel respect for the people I share this experience with,
and too often now it has become hard for me to uphold that respect, seeing all the
politics, the dishonesty and the jealousies and the self-justifications…)
… Tonight Diane and I are able to meet, with more tenderness than ever before…
*13-3-1982, Auroville:
G.M and Marcia have decided they need to reorganise their domestic life separately
from us. It means that Diane and I, and Krishna along with us, must now face the
people who look after the distribution of the food-baskets – and these are some of
those who reject us, who reject me.
Krishna strongly feels that this cannot go on: either they must come out and openly
declare they want me to leave Auroville, or else they must drop this attitude and
leave us in peace…
At this point I almost don’t care anymore; but, in the relationship with G.M, it pains
me…
… I have spent part of the morning with D.M; near her and with her I experience
more and more something akin to joy; that joy which I have only known in Your
physical atmosphere: the joy of a true physical path…
*25-3-1982, Auroville:
We keep looking forward to the next sure thing to happen, just to give sense, some
sense, to the “now” we must live; but then nothing is ever truly experienced; we
merely bring forward our same unchanged models, only consenting here and there
to some more or less pleasing alterations…
We eat time and matter away, instead of becoming…!
… We go to the beach; and Diane’s kids are there too, and the people from “Jaïma”
accompanying them don’t even let them come to see their mother… till they just
break away and run over…! That is sad!
Here we are, in this spot upon earth, like grafts that do not take, not growing any
more aware of the why and the where to… We are so very privileged, and yet do
not find the sense of it…
We do not seem to be needing You very much…
And if we don’t, who will?
*26-3-1982, Auroville:
There have been quarrels among the men here, and Krishna holds me responsible
for it: he is also upset at the way the water is distributed…
It takes quite some attention and calm to work it out and see together a better
way…
It is Barbara’s birthday; she is beautiful! Diane and I have gone to get a table lamp
we had ordered from J’s workshop and we bring it to her…
*3-4-1982, Auroville: