421 / 1424
421
While doing so, a few of us get a little scattered, pulled back into separate natures,
a few gestures of unnecessary aggression, or rather potential violence, are made;
but, on the whole, I feel this has been a clean action, and there was a joy to it,
pure and grateful…
*21-5-1982, Auroville:
This is a gloomy day here…
Krishna is behaving threateningly with the tools and the equipment; he took hold of
the one wheel-barrow and refused to return it; he has even verbally aggressed
Diane while I was away this morning…
It takes me long to centre and recover a sense of unity and quiet and trust…
There is this question, or this mystery: how is it possible to exist without exerting
any pressure, or being under any pressure, of an arbitrary nature?
I guess it is not, as long as there is ego…!
*23-5-1982, Auroville:
Myrtle has come by, and this time she stays longer with us. We have yet to secure
a basis for this new relationship, the three of us, but the possibility is there, and it
has strength and quality…
*24-5-1982, Auroville:
The thing with Krishna affects the daily life here; it worries me, his energy is
disruptive and causes material interferences; it gets to my nerves and I must, one
way or another, fight back to repel it, but I am not clear as to which movement is
the truest, or the least ignorant…!
And now is the time I want to fully concentrate and prepare for the birth of the
child…
… Diane has learned today that her children are going to France with Jean, and it is
not sure, or it is not told her, when they are to return to Auroville; this has
saddened her…
*25-5-1982, Auroville:
There are hours of utter helplessness, miserably dry and empty, devoid of any sort
of generosity: there is nothing I can give, nothing to channel, nothing I can serve,
nothing to communicate whatsoever…
How to flow, how to be one with the flow, of Force and of Light… of Love?
Isn’t it always Love that flows, and isn’t Consciousness a name for Love?
*27-5-1982, Auroville:
And sometimes I am aware of the energy that is supporting me here, and I feel
gratitude, and I am intensely happy…
… We still find it hard to relate, Diane and I; she tends to feel that I am doing all
this more for the child than for her…
*28-5-1982, Auroville:
Diane had a fall from her cycle. It hurt, but she feels alright about it.