420 / 1424
420
*5-5-1982, Auroville:
My whole body feels like soil after an earthquake.
I just want time: time to assimilate, and to draw my lesson; to make sure this will
never have to occur again, by understanding at least my end of it, my part in it…
But I must see to the work, and the craftsmen have come to lay the floor stone
slabs…
G.M comes, and I have to tell him what has happened, as my face is all bruised up
and swollen; but I make him promise he will tell no one about it: I feel it is best to
give it the least mental form possible, and to draw inner silence over it…
There is always a sense of humour in our “situations”… but also, of gravity…!
And I pray to be ridden of whatever it is that, in me, provokes such reactions I
people… I know that the way I was built and have had to evolve makes it hard to
understand me and not to misinterpret me…
In some strange way I feel that I have been freed of certain commitments…
… In the night, in the midst of a multitude of dreams, I have a wonderful, intense
meeting with three small boys – triplets -: magical, vividly present, and so lively
and so full of consciousness… (They each have a Sanskrit name, I don’t remember
it now, and they are attributes of the Inner Fire, of Agni… They are so very
lovely…!)
*10-5-1982, Auroville:
These days I can spend time preparing the new room, waxing it and arranging
everything in it, and making it happy and beautiful. Diane likes it.
The child moves a lot in her belly, it is quite fun…!
*15-5-1982, Auroville:
There is another wave of disharmony: M.B and Co have again started to build on
that piece of land adjacent to “Certitude”…
The community was called. About 50 of us met there; we stood on the dividing
bund separating Auroville land from that “private” land; there was the sense of a
deeper event, but no movement yet…
The Police came, and we left.
… Diane and I have another argument this evening: a silly misunderstanding…
*19-5-1982, Auroville:
There is a fairly large concreting at Matrimandir this morning. I have come to help,
as one of many. But, after a while, both Ruud and G.M ask me to resume my “old”
function, driving the mixer machine… And it is comforting to me to feel I am still
welcome to be part of an organism…
… This afternoon, about 200 of us meet at “Certitude”.
We agree, cutting short all arguments, to simply gather on the spot, again,
together, and see…
And it is one of those rare moments when one knows one is responding to a deeper
necessity, as part of one body.
We move, silently and very slowly, one step at a time, down that dividing bund, the
armed police stepping back before us, till we reach and surround the tiny building
M.B and his group have put up during the night…
We wait almost one hour, and then we take it down, quietly…