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… It is strange how extremely sensitive and vulnerable I have become, physically; I
do not usually see it, s I have a very regular daily discipline and live a sheltered
and quiet life; but the least incident or intrusion, and it is all shaken. It is not clear
what the advantages may be of such vulnerability to exposure…!
… B brought me a letter from Su; she is leaving Canada for London on the 19
th
, and
from there she will arrange her journey to Madras and wants me to meet her at the
airport; she will stay at C’s in Paris…
I haven’t yet been able to write a full letter to C. It’s like I simply have nothing,
nothing at all to say; it is not that she feels far: I am with her always; it’s just the
reaching out to where words play and mean something…
*1-9-1987, Auroville:
Bhaga and Sharan came to visit “Ravena” after the work this evening; I do not
know accurately how they feel; they were obviously moved by its beauty; but
whether or not this first contact may mark the beginning of a living way for
“Ravena”, I cannot say. I asked only that they let me know how they feel and any
suggestions or ideas they may have before the end of this month…
… Some story is going round in the village: over the weekend a man was murdered
by two men from Edayachavadi; N hasn’t come to work since last Saturday, and the
Ghurkha told me that last night some 10 or 15 policemen in a van had come
looking for him at “Ravena”; he hasn’t come to see me here either…
I spent even more time than usual in “Ravena” today, cleaning and re-organising
the store-room, now that Nar, who was so perfectly tamasic, is out of the way…
*2-9-1987, Auroville:
A very strange day for me: P told me this morning when I reached “Ravena” that N
had been arrested yesterday, charged with the murder of that man from Pattai.
Later, as I had to go down to Pondy anyway for purchases, I decided to look for
him; that was optimistic! I went to three different stations, and to the Central
Prison, and met only with dumb non-cooperation and general inertia… Finally I was
told that he might have been taken to Court, along with the other accused, who
had admitted to having murdered the victim; but I was advised by the local police
to have no contact with N, that he was the worse drunkard of the entire area and a
very bad man… Yet they relented a little, seeing my determination, and gave me
the name of the Inspector in charge of the case, with a wink of suggestion that I
might have to bribe my way, and adding that I should hire a lawyer and make a
petition for bail… I didn’t know what to do next!
Later I met with Subramanian, whom I know to be genuinely friendly towards N,
and talked with him, and he will look into it tonight, and enquire about bail and a
lawyer if need be, and act as a go-between so that it may cost less than if I show
myself…
*3-9-1987, Auroville:
I have no illusions as to the purity of my rapport to N by now; yet there is more to
it than just that mixture; I have often felt that an extension of myself, or a limb,
was there in him; I have felt the pain.
… This morning I finally found my way to the Court and I was there ahead of N,
who arrived an hour later, manacled to the second convict, between several
constables: a hard moment, with that sensation of the irreversible; that he had