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stepped on the wrong side of his own drama and the mechanics were rolling; his
first look at me, when he saw me standing at the balcony as he climbed the stairs…
I couldn’t describe…!
I soon made friends with the constables; I didn’t try but, being quiet, they became
receptive, and they of their own accord arranged to seat N near to where I sat, so
we could talk. He cried. The charges are serious, and the Inspector to whom I
talked later said that three eye-witnesses had come forward; yet I know, as some
others know, that this “evidence” has been trumped-up… To bail him out would cost
a lot of money…
Later in the day I went to visit this Devaraj, an Aurovilian originally from
Edayachavadi I think, and a relative of N’s wife, who I’d been told had been helping
discreetly so that N wouldn’t be beaten up in the station or in the jail; I had in mind
to try and get the village elders to put some weight on those who have maliciously
accused N and perhaps to withdraw their “witnesses”; I learnt that the victim hadn’t
died on the spot; that it was an old man who had got somehow involved in a brawl
at the arrack shop and when he’d fallen down, his people at once had taken him to
his home village and that’s where he died; and that his relatives would be open to
direct financial compensation…
But this is all so thick; and N himself I can trust no longer…
I am open to help with money perhaps, but only if it is part of a sharing with his
people and relatives…
*4-9-1987, Auroville:
There is an odd, deep sorrow, as if part of my being was there, unevolved, unable
to contact the Real in any way, incapable of growing out of the dark prison; this
pain is deep in the breast; and there is the kaleidoscope of feelings and questions –
guilt, regret, for having let him go, let him down, and thus perhaps thrown him
back into the obscure turmoil of that dumb, darkly crowded world…
It is as if part of my body is missing; a joy has gone away…
… P.V stopped me on the way; he’d heard for N and had found out more detailed
information as to what had actually happened; he wasn’t optimistic, and thought
the best we could do was to plead for involuntary homicide; he gave me the
address of a lawyer he knows…
Can this irreversible evolve into an act of Grace?
This part of the human consciousness must, must grow! O Lord, there is Your
Presence in it too; give it awareness…!
*5-9-1987, Auroville:
I rode over to N’s house to see what clothes and things I should take for him, but
the scene there was the very picture of neglect and squalor; his wife is a poor
hollow creature; she and the kids were covered with soot and dirt, she knew
nothing of his belongings, only that her brother had taken them…
… I went into the Prison and could talk with N for about 10 minutes; he had washed
his clothes and looked more together, but was all intent on getting out of there, as
if he hadn’t at all realised how bad it is… I got a permit to come twice during the
week besides the visiting day which is Saturday… Coming out I was feeling that
perhaps I should pull out of this completely, as there are just too many lies and too
much trickery which I can never hope to control; at last Devaraj showed up and we
sat in a café for almost two hours…