756 / 1424
756
*3-10-1987, Auroville:
In a street in Pondy this evening I met Roger A a moment, and the contact was
simple and direct – he was alone! When he is by himself, it is always so much
better: social environments – and sycophantism – are so damaging to such people…
*4-10-1987, Auroville:
I was doing some pruning work in the garden, and thinking to shift to the laundry
soon, when J.P groped his way in ; he sat near me while I finished clearing that
large bougainvillea; he is experiencing a lot on his own, and feels a strong need or
urge to communicate, and it is deep and real…
*5-10-1987, Auroville:
I have received a second letter from Claire, J.Y’s wife: a very bitter, aggressive and
ugly tirade; it serves me right, for having tried to reach her in response to her first
letter…
… I went to the Court again; we met the lawyer, who said he’d file his second
petition for bail tomorrow; I don’t know what to expect anymore… I was tired after
that… Later, in the street, I met once more this very gentle Italian man, P; he is a
very sweet and quiet homosexual, with a lot of presence and dignity, about 48
years old; there is an affectionate sort of bond between us, and I felt this time that
a closer relationship with him might be just what I need at present, but… I will not
force it in any way…
*6-10-1987, Auroville:
I attended the meeting at Matrimandir this afternoon… O Lord, O Mother !
It scared me! If this is the unity You want, and these are the means You give to
achieve it… then, perhaps they were right in calling me “asuric”…! I want none of it!
But they’re happy, and supportive of one another, all agog at Roger A’s odd
charisma… And I can’t judge him; I like him too! But this was just a display of what
human consciousness can do as a matter of positive distortion of a captured truth…
There was nothing one could say; they were all set on being “as one” and no one
attended who might have brought another perspective; so that, to dare suggest
another approach would automatically be seen and felt as opposing the truth of
unity, the growth of Auroville, and Your own Choice, all in one go! A little too much
for any single individual!
What will it amount to?
I pray to Matrimandir’s sovereignty! You have stated that it was directly under the
influence of the Supreme, Mother: that is the only security!
*7-10-1987, Auroville:
I do not understand the real position.
It has occurred to me that, with their present model for the cover of the sphere,
they will not touch what has already been built, but only lay their ornaments over
it; so that the very body of Matrimandir will remain, and all the possibilities of
further, different manifestations will stay open. And so, if it comes to that, let them
play with it: as long as the Chamber is safe, and essentially as long as You want to
use it and work with it or through it, it is alright…