761 / 1424
761
*29-10-1987, Auroville:
I saw Devaraj about the proceedings for N. It seems that, according to the Indian
Law, once a petition for bail has been duly recorded, even if it is refused by the
Judge, and 90 days elapse without the Case being heard, the prisoner must be let
out anyway, until the Case comes up and judgement is passed. In this case, it
seems that the Police Inspector has blocked the bail and would have had to be
bribed by us. So it looks like N will be released anyway in a month or so…
… I am reading a very good book, the latest of Morris West, “Cassidy”…
*30-10-1987, Auroville:
I have again thought of all these personal diaries that I have written over the
years, along with other texts, that have just accumulated; I always hesitate,
between destroying the whole of it, or keeping it… But perhaps I should take the
time to sort it out and extract what may have some value as a kind of testimony to
the process, and throw the rest…? If I had to leave, to “die” now, it wouldn’t feel
right to leave all that behind as it is: I want a neat offering, not a messy load for
others to clean up…!
*31-10-1987, Auroville:
My heart is “fibrillating”; I don’t know what it exactly does or does not, but the
“sensation” is of jumps and starts in the area just around and over it, twitches that
sometimes reach further up in the main arteries; it goes on all the time, perhaps
twenty such twitches in a few seconds, and it is for some reason very tiring; I know
that the physical mind makes up for much of that fatigue, but the phenomenon is
there nonetheless; and I know nothing about it.
It is easier when I concentrate into some activity, or when I have fallen asleep. The
anxiety mainly comes from the knowledge of the fact of Ruud’s demise: the fact
that one of us can be made to just quit, suddenly, without any preparation, and in
the most stupid circumstances… So now I think I really must clear up my own
personal scene and be ready at anytime…
It is not that I want to quit; deep within there is the awareness that the nature of
the progress taking place implies that I must stay in the body for a long time; but it
is not an argument: it is quiet and deep and does not compete with the surface
stress and questioning…
… Ar. tells me of the meetings at Matrimandir; it seems that the “Acrylic group” has
reduced its steam a bit…
… We should soon know about the status of Auroville from November 8 onwards:
an extension of the Government Takeover, a return to the SAS, or some
compromise of a sort…
***