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itself… Yet there is this strange fatigue that overtakes me; the pulse is so erratic,
the heart behaves so oddly, the whole metabolism is upset… I have noticed that
some activities seem to shift the focus and ease the tension, while others seem to
increase it, but it’s hard to tell from one moment to the next…
*1-12-1987, Auroville:
Su came with me to “Ravena” and then down to Pondy; I had to buy cement and
then we both had to go to the “Foreigners Registration Office”; the man there told
me I can see him directly for my “Return Visa” once my Residential Permit has been
extended, in a month or so, which means that I can keep the whole thing quiet.
… Ar. gave me the news, from the general meeting; the new Central Government
man who has been handed the Auroville file is due here tomorrow, as Kireet has
been removed through some political pressures; and through the same pressures it
seems that the SAS is trying to have the present Administrators, Nigam and Ojha,
replaced by people in their favour…
*2-12-1987, Auroville:
The new man has come, a Mr. Raghavan, who replaces Kireet, and everybody is at
Bharat Nivas to meet with him; I am doing my night-watch at Matrimandir…
… I received another letter from C; R is back home with strict orders to rest; C
seems to be holding up well, but I know it’s got to be a big pile of worries for her,
between her own work, the huge repairs of the house in Brittany after that
devastating storm, and the impossibility for her to come here…
… I find myself still restless: I always have to be doing something, some work or
another, or reading or cycling, writing, doing beads-work; I can’t stay still, as I
used to do for hours on end, and I am not sure why it is so…
*3-12-1987, Auroville:
I decided to tell Ar. where are the instructions I have written in case something
would happen to me… And I feel much lighter now! Now I do not mind one way or
another…! It is all on Your way, whatever happens…!
*4-12-1987, Auroville:
It has been raining all night, and this evening I took Su down to the beach and we
sat under the rain a long time; it was cold and windy, but so vast and quiet…
… I am reading a historical novel on the extermination of the Cathars, “All things
are lights” by Robert Shea…
*5-12-1987, Auroville:
There’s a big monsoon rain since two days. Auroville is flooded, cascades of orange
water rush down into the canyons, the bunds break and the roads are fields of
mud, and everything indoors is moist and mildewed…
*6-12-1987, Auroville:
After dinner the rain stopped and Su and I went for a walk; she told me of a
difficult dream she’d had the night before, of not finding her own people and safety,