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All the voices
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or that to fox or fool others
and what this means is
they’ve become the reason
for your actions. These
people have become your
motivation. Well, that’s
as bad as any other form
of control, surely. And
worse because you can
cosy yourself along with it,
getting pleasure from the
belief you’re free of them
when in fact it’s quite the
opposite. So you’re self-
deluded which is a really
bad way to be. To my way
of thinking it’s the worst
bad in the box.
And now I’ve arrived at the
word
box
I must just say
that I’ve always had this
mental picture of a
box of
tricks
. I don’t know what’s
inside
exactly
except
they’re things that keep
you safe from the menace
of friends. They keep
you free. The tricks are
what save you from being
dragged through the murk
of other peoples’ comfort
zones. So the box of tricks
is the last place youwant to
see something as horrible
as self-delusion, cropping
up. It is like, your final
resting place. I imagine
the box as having special
mirrors all around it when
you look in. I’d have total
understanding
of
the
angles and reflections
but anybody else taking a
peek unasked would end
up more confused than
when they’d started out.
They’d be likely to see a
distorted image of their
own face at some point, if
they kept on looking at the
mirrors for long enough.
The last thing they would
see would be me.
What I want to do now is
finish talking about the
smile. Because there I was