Table of Contents Table of Contents
Previous Page  143 292 Next Page
Information
Show Menu
Previous Page 143 292 Next Page
Page Background

All the voices

143

or that to fox or fool others

and what this means is

they’ve become the reason

for your actions. These

people have become your

motivation. Well, that’s

as bad as any other form

of control, surely. And

worse because you can

cosy yourself along with it,

getting pleasure from the

belief you’re free of them

when in fact it’s quite the

opposite. So you’re self-

deluded which is a really

bad way to be. To my way

of thinking it’s the worst

bad in the box.

And now I’ve arrived at the

word

box

I must just say

that I’ve always had this

mental picture of a

box of

tricks

. I don’t know what’s

inside

exactly

except

they’re things that keep

you safe from the menace

of friends. They keep

you free. The tricks are

what save you from being

dragged through the murk

of other peoples’ comfort

zones. So the box of tricks

is the last place youwant to

see something as horrible

as self-delusion, cropping

up. It is like, your final

resting place. I imagine

the box as having special

mirrors all around it when

you look in. I’d have total

understanding

of

the

angles and reflections

but anybody else taking a

peek unasked would end

up more confused than

when they’d started out.

They’d be likely to see a

distorted image of their

own face at some point, if

they kept on looking at the

mirrors for long enough.

The last thing they would

see would be me.

What I want to do now is

finish talking about the

smile. Because there I was