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*24-5-1979, Auroville;
This evening E.B arrived here with two garlands of jasmine for me. She tells me she
has met Miriam in Pondy and how lovely and beautiful she is and how for the first
time she is not jealous as she finds this is a woman level with me… In the midst of
this talk something gets cleared which had remained like a painful mystery to me
all these years: why and how E.B had returned to me while I was still in France,
leaving the Ashram, leaving You, supposedly with Your blessings; the facts
appeared today only: Nata had mixed up two letters I had written to You in his
care, about having a child with A.F, who was pregnant; he had got confused and
told E.B right away that I wanted her to come back to me and give me a child…!
And she had only been too happy to take it as an encouragement for the very thing
she had sought. She must have known, though, that it couldn’t be true and yet she
never spoke to me about it till today. And the facts are also that You never saw my
letters about this and that the “Blessings” were procured by Nata himself…!
Oh! What useless sufferings our human interference must have created around You,
Mother!
*1-6-1979, Auroville:
These are times when, in the life You give us here, we reach such high notes of a
singing tenderness that flows all over, a sweetness, a tranquil dance… Isn’t that the
real sense of being human and individuals…?
… As we finish eating, Amma comes in with a little girl; she has brought some
sweets which she has kept for me as “Prasad” from a special puja. I serve her and
the little girl and give her the incense and things she needs for her daily offerings;
then she sings, she sings to You, to Kali, to Krishna and Radha, and Miriam goes
and sits nearest to her, puts her hands in hers and Amma concentrates in her and
blesses her…
*4-6-1979, Auroville:
In the afternoon I took Miriam back to “Golconde”. Both the “Imagination” and the
“Realisation” trees are in full bloom and I take many photographs, and of Miriam
too, happy, open, given, simple; we both feel content and gently fulfilled in our
relationship. We agree to meet by the sea at 6 pm and I ask her to wear her red
dress and put up her hair the way I like it best… She enjoys it, to prepare herself
thus…
But it is when I come out of the Ashram, later, that I meet her again, by the gate:
she is ravishing, nothing vulgar, nothing too elaborate, just the joy of her lovely
feminity; we walk to the shore, go over the boulders and sit in the wind; I give her
a long garland of fresh jasmine and I take many pictures of her and watch her and
drink her, assimilating her gift and giving myself to her.
She wants either to postpone again her departure or to come back soon and stay
longer… But it is a good thing for us to part for a few days anyway; each of us
needs to rest now…
*6-6-1979, Auroville:
Early this afternoon Al.B and Chr came to bring us our copies of the Agenda that
have just come; Jacq is with them and we make a happy group here, until it is time
to go and attend the general meeting at “Unity” office. News has come that the
trustees of “Auromitra” and Kireet particularly, have now agreed to our proposal for