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attempt this, while being ready to stop it if we find they get trapped… But this
“position”, although it is shared by several of us – P.G, Jacq, and Narad – is
misunderstood by both the sides! One side appears a little too eager and pleased
with it; there is no transparency there! And the other side takes it as a betrayal!
And I cannot help but finding both rather opportunistic!
So, we ask everybody to keep quiet for a few days, not to take any step, and not to
go ahead with the purchase of the steel from the Bharat Nivas stock as this deal
appears now to be double-edged, connected as it is to some debt from the SAS to
the Government…
… In the general meeting at “Tapoloka” this afternoon, Piero seeks to present
himself, he who has repeatedly tried to broker some agreement with SSJ and the
SAS on his own, as a martyr and us – Jacq, P.G and I – as the traitors… This leaves
us so stunned that we don’t even try to explain… But the people of “Aspiration”
insist to know, that we must speak up… They say then that they will all come to
Matrimandir…! I remind them that it is not enough to come in order to reject, to say
“no”, that the situation is too complex and demands perseverance and a steady
commitment; and this time they seem to take it very seriously…
*20-6-1979, Auroville:
This afternoon Ruud, Th, red P and Narayana came to see me here at home; their
vibration is open, simple and direct. They tell me that they have searched in
themselves for the cause of a lack of joy in the work, a heaviness in the
atmosphere, and realised that they actually had no real adhesion to this new phase
of the construction – the casting and erection of the RCC space frame – and would
have preferred to go for Roger A’s design of a light tubular frame-work. They tell
me further that, since our last meeting where we, Jacq, P.G and I, had shown some
trust in them, they now felt freer to express themselves and communicate their
feelings and their views…
Of course, unity among us brings receptivity to Your atmosphere and Your workings
and we have to find the joy to go forward together… But, You know, the discs in
Roger A’s design, those fancy, showy things that don’t last, that rust and wear
out…?! We need quality!
*21-6-1979, Auroville:
… So often I find myself agreeing with everyone, every point of view expressed,
and yet fully agreeing with none and no one. There is a yearning to be freed from
opinions, all these opinions and “sides”, this faulty mental logic, and to follow a
thread into Matter, or through Matter, or with Matter, sensing an awareness there
that the mind, nor the feeling, cannot ever even approximate.
But in this present collective condition, one cannot give oneself to that, because
there is the necessity to “communicate”, to share in the movement of progress, and
we are not able to do so without the mind yet – and so, through the mind, things
become inevitably opposed, contradictory, mutually exclusive, and the reality is
veiled…
*22-6-1979, Auroville:
I feel so poor, insufficient, small and limited, so entangled in the general confusion
and inertia, nailed, suffocating… I am sitting near C.E after our nap, a bit lost, grey
like the sky, untidy like the air today, messed-up like the garden and the leaky