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“Because thou hast obeyed my timeless will
I lay my hands upon thy soul of flame,
I lay my hands upon thy heart of love,
I yoke thee to my power of work in Time…”
*4-7-1979, Auroville:
The concreting could only start mid-afternoon. “My team” stays with me at the
mixer. It is all a little hesitant at first, there are small incidents; then it goes well
almost till the end when, by mistake, Narayana turns off the generator and there is
a long delay before it runs again and, while bringing up a light through one of the
towers, G.M slips and falls two meters down, catching hold of a wooden beam…
… With C.E and Miriam too it has been sometimes uneasy, the adjustments
between us are often precarious and I struggle with my own attachments and
insincerities…
I have prepared for FJ and Ch’s arrival, cleared shelves, made room for them; we’ll
have to see how to live the 5 of us together!
… It is late again when we are at last ready to go up to sleep on the terrace; C.E is
very open tonight and talks to me a long time, from his heart… I lie between him
and Miriam, holding his hand, falling asleep when, suddenly, I experience this: my
eyes closed, I see appear before me a few ROSES – absolutely present, powerful,
so charged that it cuts my breath and I moan. A few roses, burnt gold, an orange
gold burnt in flame; they are in a cup, and they are moving to me, as if presented
to me… It lasts a few seconds, like a shock… I am filled with gratitude. And then I
realise that C.E is holding me; he had thought I was distressed…!
*5-7-1979, Auroville:
The 3 of us cycled down to “Tapoloka” for the PT meeting. It is very tedious. I feel
uneasy with M.D, what has become of him, a sort of pretentiousness, so sure of
itself… At one point he makes the statement that “Your Force is not at Matrimandir”
on such a tone… I feel like going away! It is like he, and quite a few others like-
minded ones, are not my brothers any more now than any of the “enemies” we
maintain so carefully on the “other side” of too easy a line… I am sorry, Mother, I
am sorry, Satprem, but I can’t relate to that… It makes me wonder, deep down,
what I am doing with these people and why do I care to respond to some moral
sense of a collective truth and solidarity when individuals concerned are so… This
isn’t home!
Then C.E and I have to leave anyway, to catch our taxi… We both feel confirmed in
our need to anchor ourselves even more deeply and solidly in our experience here
at Matrimandir, and in “Sincerity”…
We reach Madras at 3 pm, the heat is awful; we do the purchases first, seeds, tools
for Matrimandir; there is a huge traffic-jam, with thousands of people
demonstrating, and we miss our appointment with Narad…
The flights are delayed. FJ and Ch arrive after 11 pm… It is good, immediate. It is
after 3 am when we return here and they settle upstairs…
*6-7-1979, Auroville:
On Narad’s request, FJ and Ch have brought with them a rare species of orchid,
from France; I take it to the Nursery this morning. Lately, for some weeks now, I
have had much less sleep than one would normally think is necessary, and yet I