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It is Sunday, we have more time. FJ gets ready to articulate his questions and, on
and off through the day, we resume our “entretiens”, along with Ch who records
them and joins in now and then, in her quiet, attentive, unobtrusive way… P.G,
G.M, Al.B, Chr come and spend the evening with us; it is good that FJ is in direct
contact with others here.
*16-7-1979, Auroville:
Morarji Desai has resigned…!
The whole country seems to be wondering.
… A few more people have joined the work; that is, there is a lot more talk going,
and some work too!
… Miriam came by with Ken; she looked and felt vague, uncollected; I hope Ken is
good for her…
Piero has an abscess in the throat…
… This afternoon we recorded two full hours of “entretiens”, the 4 of us sitting
inside with the doors closed, in a very concentrated atmosphere, with a high degree
of exigency in each of us, a need to be precise, honest, open, attentive…
*17-7-1979, Auroville:
There is so much talk, talk, talk… I can’t go on like this, I’ll have to withdraw again,
it is maddening… I feel again as if I’m snared into some kind of asylum where
everyone is having some peculiar “disease” that oddly, strangely contradicts an
apparent equilibrium… I miss Patricia: since her return from Delhi she has not been
feeling well, and I want to go visit her…
… C.E and I drive over to Jipmer; Piero cannot talk, has to be fed with a pipe. Gl
tells me she had recalled a dream D.M had some months ago, which she had told
her then, of Piero being killed in his house… Where is the Reality?
… We have our work-meeting in the office… Dayabhai and Talwar have been invited
by Narad, who means to ask them to help with contacts for raising funds for
Matrimandir… We discuss the program of work; Piero was able to give the
calculations for the next concreting, but there is some resistance on the part of a
few of us to do this particular concreting, as it marks the actual beginning of the
casting of the sphere according to a design which they still do not favour.
I only feel to do whatever Matrimandir asks us to do and I find these influences and
preferences very disturbing, in subtle ways. D.W suggests that, given the
circumstances, we might as well postpone it for a few days…
*18-7-1979, Auroville:
Seeing our shared commitment to honest, transparent and self-demanding
dialogue, each one willing to be at one’s best as a mark of respect and appreciation
of the others’ choices and experiences, it is so clear to me how the Grace has been
acting throughout our lives; that their mingling was itself an act of Grace, that
Grace presided over this inner choice that made us father and son, FJ and I… And I
understand better now how, while I was still bent on self-destruction, it was hard
for me to bear or even acknowledge these tokens of a certain conscious perfection
leading my life, from within or from above…
*22-7-1979, Auroville: