349 / 1424
349
… I met Fabienne today in the Ashram; it was direct and dear; with her smile, her
eyes, her expressions, she listened; nothing was closed. But Harit was hovering and
worried, knowing this was of importance to her as well… I cannot intrude into
another person’s life that way! I cannot for the sake of my own “path” and need,
break another’s path, deprive another person of the answer to his need!
So I wrote back to them both, gently and in trust…
This is strange, with the fragrance of a long, old story, even though some of the
roles may have shifted; but its validity has grown in another way, a new way…
… There was tranquillity today; tensions were dissolved. Something like pride has
fallen off me.
*14-10-1980, Auroville:
Marcia and I packed all the presents for G.M here and drove to “Dana” loaded like
donkeys and arranged it all in his new room…
I spend the afternoon preparing a hot rum punch on a wood fire outside; I leave in
the evening before too many of G.M’s friends arrive…
*15-10-1980, Auroville:
Events in time and space may, if apprehended rightly and from one’s true centre,
help one to deepen one’s awareness… but they do not help automatically! And a
belief to the contrary is a self-delusion.
It is not because one has lived 10 years in Auroville, or 20 in the Ashram, that one
is closer to You!
… Noh comes and spends much of the day here, resting and reading and listening
to music and sitting in the garden and she seems to be happy, to draw comfort
from it; and that is ironical: I’d have thought that, in my present state, I’d be the
last person to be happy with!
…The Iraq-Iran war goes on; heavy destruction has already taken place.
… Harit has sent me a reply, also signed by Fabienne: a steel wall, the keeper of
her prison; but she is possibly content, there…
*23-10-1980, Auroville:
G.M and I drive down to Pondy to pick up the new Yezdi.
I drive it back. G.M is pressing me to be happy about it, but I am strained like a
bow; I need to find my way to offer it…
… I am late to start preparing the dinner at the Kitchen; Noh is unnatural, too
sweet, “instructing” me as to what I should cook… I give up and leave…
*25-10-1980, Auroville:
There are hours when the harmony is so powerful and I want so intensely to offer it
to You, so that You take delight in it… In this harmony that pervades here, there is
an answer… The gratitude is sometimes such that it makes me sense, as if
physically, the limits of my being: it rises, it is adoration, recognition, and a kind of
ecstasy; it is also the essence of sharing: this beauty in Matter, this living beauty…
… Yesterday Jacq fell backwards from a ladder; today we have to get the jeep to
carry her down to Dr. Sen’s in Pondy…
… When we return, Marcia receives us in tears: Yappa the dog has just died, all of a
sudden: she had screamed, fallen and died! This dog has been such a gift, such a
presence… We bury her in the garden of “Dana”;
… This morning, Auroson broke his arm, a nasty fracture…