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*3-9-1980, Auroville:
I am putting away new albums in the book-case. I look through that old one where
photographs of me at different ages since birth till now are kept; the change of
appearance is striking in such a brief time-span, and this reminds me, with
acuteness, of what I had to go through before I got hold of a central direction and
began to collect my parts and unite them around the … passage?, the work?...: all
these beings and their possibilities and propensities…
… The work in “Dana” is progressing well, we are finishing the upper roof and we
are also pruning all the trees around the house; there is good energy…
*5-9-1980, Auroville:
There must be a tremendous increase of one’s capacities to assimilate consciously
the daily experience of this physical life, if most of it is not to go and feed
subconscious layers, adding thus to the weight that pulls down towards the
necessity of death… It is so essential to learn to offer, offer at every moment…
*6-9-1980, Auroville:
Sometimes I can’t stand it with the people here: the crudeness and the confusion,
loud, satisfied, and so callous… It is like a cry! Why aren’t the people here those
who understand, who feel…?
*7-9-1980, Auroville:
My bisexuality allows for a wider range of experience, in both an inner and in a
psychological sense, and I have learnt and acquired a lot through it. But something
is still missing, in the manifesting: the spark that fuses from the right relationship,
the right balance, the right sharing… Wherever I turn and observe, I don’t seem to
find one example of someone who has walked Your path single…
… The FRO man rides in, visiting, with a beautiful and rather silly girl, and I have to
welcome them here and “chat” with them; it is awful…!
*8-9-1980, Auroville:
I don’t know how to progress. I don’t know how to walk!
Build me, Lord, make me real!
… That bizarre fellow François has been arrested… Pierre and Lisa are hiding in
town, as their ‘Quit Notices” have been activated on orders from Madras… Diane
has gone to meet Sir CPN Singh in Lucknow…
… I don’t know what’s happening; I am deprived of joy. I can’t even feel this joy
with G.M and that’s the worst…
*9-9-1980, Auroville:
There are those moments when I seem to understand, to begin to understand,
where my “true place” is: to SEE and to love, wherever, whenever, however…
*12-9-1980, Auroville: