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… I have a glimpse of the sadhana, or tapasya, necessary to reach and to hold a
state of awareness where, materially, there is no more the possibility of
contradiction… This must be the path to real perfection: integral and total
attunement to the Becoming…
… G.M rides in: he felt the need to clear some heaviness between or around us; he
reads Satprem’s letter…
*30-8-1980, Auroville:
Mother, I want to say “thank You, thank You”, again and again, to say my gratitude
for all that is given me, for this possibility to express materially a little harmony, a
little beauty…: this place, vibrant and poised…
… P.V comes to ask me to be a “witness” to an “action” he and D.P want to take to
teach a lesson to Hervé; I refuse to be rushed into it. Instead, later, I go with
Dennis to find Hervé and we all go to the spot of dissension, a beautiful place
named “Source”, which would need constructive energy; we watch the scene:
brothers turned enemies, but there is also, now and then, a lot of humour seeping
in…
… Some local crooked-minded man has purchased for Rs 3,000/- a plot of land that
cuts across the road near to Vijay’s, so that Vijay would have to buy it from him for
Rs 5,000/-… What turns me off, more than the fact of these varied blood-suckers
who clamp on every deficiency and every gap in our collective body, is that Vijay
has already gone straight to the Inspector Thomas, after all what this man has
done against us…! Dennis and I both shrug, wanting to give up any hope of
collective discipline…
Because there is also always this possibility, with its own appeal, to let go, to let
each logic or determinism follow its own processes till… each person becomes
capable of contacting the real Harmony…? Something that has never really been
tried…
In this compromise between chaos and a seeming order, there is fear and
resistance; from this perspective, chaos is perceived or expected to be inevitably
destructive. But, if this fear would be replaced by a more conscious trust, knowing
that it would take a whole spiral before one could reach a new awareness and a
new “order”…?
… Murthy has been remarkably stupid: instead of following our instructions, taking
the “Forecomers” road, he has gone and got stuck at the Check-Post and all the
cement has been intercepted; it is like an active interference, as if intentional…
… G.M and I look for presents for Marcia’s birthday tomorrow – a powerful weaving
from Assam for her new room…
*31-8-1980, Auroville:
… That formidable distance that can “happen” between beings, people, in spite of
and under appearances of communication…
… I walk back in the night: Matrimandir’s light is there, alive in the darkness,
centred in our midst, our core and silent sign of Truth…
*
1-9-1980, Auroville:
I do not want to age, Mother. I do not want any of my beloved ones to age.
I want each of us to grow, to progress, to re-create oneself endlessly, in
awareness, in harmony, to become… Never to age, Mother!