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… D.M has sent Johnny to me today with a message: she wants to see me! After so
long! “Yes”, I said, “of course!”…
So I go, this afternoon. Johnny is waiting for me at the door to let me in; she is
seated on a low bed, ready for me; she has grown, inwardly: it is tangible in her
eyes… She can then tell me of her experiences the way she can tell no other, and
we can laugh together as we used to; she exists in me always…
But much of her physical daily life is a hell to endure…
*15-12-1981, Auroville:
Bhaga comes to see us and offers Diane the job of looking after “Free Store” and
the “Maintenance Service”; I am glad of it; I think she ought to accept. But she
says she must first get well, I herself and with me… I believe it is the other way
round, that to have a disciplined activity and service will greatly help her, and us…!
*16-12-1981, Auroville:
I have been out this morning: to the dance class as usual, then to Fraternity to pick
up the lamp I have designed for C, then to “Utility” to fetch Krishna’s things which
Anne has packed for me… When I return, cheerful, I find Diane sitting with Barbara,
very quiet, and Diane has a small and funny face; I ask whether someone has
come, perhaps some bad news? Indeed, it was Kéa.
She had come to return Diane’s letter to Satprem; she wouldn’t take it. She said to
Diane that as long as she remained with me, she could not be with them – with
those who are on the true path… Impressive!
So, now it is official!
The Church has declared me the enemy!
And Diane is outcast, banished, cut off from the Guru, the “Incarnate’…!
These self-righteous children have all the rights!
… I am struck by a dimension to this drama that far exceeds the scope of my own
little subjective experience, wit its necessities of progress… For it touches on a
central issue: how we, human beings, behave in the presence of the Incarnation,
what we make of it, and how eventually we force Him or Her to withdraw…
And I am a little awed by the implications of the role I am given… that is enforced
on my existence…!
… We decide to send Diane’s letter by the Post; we go down to Pondy to mail it
together, and it is a rather happy moment, in fact…!
*18-12-1981, Auroville:
Today Diane formally joined her new work at the “Maintenance Service”; on that
level, Auroville is still wide enough for her to find her place…
*19-12-1981, Auroville:
D.M has called for me again, and I spend part of the morning with her: she is such
a being! But I worry a little: my current “situation” mustn’t affect her in any way;
she has more than enough to struggle with already…!
*20-12-1981, Auroville:
I can’t any more afford to be depressed or to stray in my old moods… Diane is now
a constant reminder of the life I have chosen and cannot shy away from… It is good
for me!