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re-affirm our commitment to the Charter of Auroville, and to activate the true
engine of the adventure, through which the true Force, the true Consciousness can
act…
But perhaps people here are too thick, or else they do not really want the
Consciousness to act, preferring their own interests and what they consider as an
“interesting” community life… I used to get depressed by this state of affairs; today
I got more angry than depressed, and I tried to speak, twice… But it is always the
same phenomenon: there is silence, like a shock; and then it shifts back to the ruts
of routine, and the point made is diluted…
*8-10-1988, Auroville:
In the night, around 1 am, a huge storm rose. Several times the lightnings stroke
so close that the houses shook, and one struck just between the two houses; every
time this happens, I wonder how it works, and how for instance the heart gets
affected by the jolts of electricity in the air, no matter how safe and calm one may
be – what is the relationship between the charge in molecules and the emotions…?
And today I got entangled in a couple of wrong movements; I clashed with Barbara
this morning, who was whining and complaining, unable to let the house be
completed at an harmonious pace; despite my repeated pleas and warnings she
went on, and I quit… There was a mixture of anger and sadness, because I have
wanted to make it as beautiful and offered as she would let me, but she kept
spoiling the joy of it…
… Reading the papers, I have felt again the distress and suffering of the Kurds, who
are being coldly decimated by means of chemical warfare… One tends to avoid
looking into it, because… what can one do? But this is so wrong: this is such a
beautiful people, perhaps one of the very last upon earth to retain some of that
natural integrity… It is all so wrong and so false…
*10-10-1988, Auroville:
Early this morning Barbara came. Her attitude had adjusted quite a bit and we
could clarify the position so she would ask me to finish her house with her, and it
was sweet.
Larry too is now very sweet, and we are together choosing to continue with the
work at “Ravena”, whatever are the obvious needs for it to function… Tomorrow I’ll
go and purchase more wood…
*12-10-1988, Auroville:
Both Su and John H have come to keep me company at the night-watch. With John
H it hasn’t been easy lately; perhaps I am too impatient: he keeps avoiding any
commitment, in the sense of making choices, whether it concerns Matrimandir and
the semi-paralysis around it, or friendships…
*13-10-1988, Auroville:
Returning to the work at “Ravena” after several days of absence, Jaïmurthy was
very unhappy with the pull of the same old games between the workers there; I
guess I am not good at this: I give too much freedom and respect to everyone, and
most seem to merely misuse it, not knowing better…