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845
*15-5-1989, Auroville:
I tend to work for the sake of the work, and I tend to work rather than being
“inactive”; but what I want is to work as a support for an active aspiration and
receptivity, and I haven’t yet learnt to combine the two, except sometimes when I
am alone, as in the early mornings in the Chamber… As soon as someone else joins
me, a set of energies comes into play and calls for attention – a new balance and
harmony to achieve -, and the main purpose is veiled; it was only in JYL’s company
that not only I could remain centred in the silence of the need, but the centring had
itself an added quality of sharing…
… Last night a good and long and steady, deep-reaching rain came, which lasted
about two hours; it saved a number of young trees, and eased the struggle in the
garden… now the air is soft and moist and relaxed…
*16-5-1989, Auroville:
At times I feel some inner tears. Perhaps it is due to the atmosphere that is
generated at work, a sort of inertia, full of talk – wasting the gift… And also, I am
getting to sense, feel, identify Selvam’s being, and his deep unhappiness, and I
want to help, but do not know how…
*17-5-1989, Auroville:
Today, during the afternoon break, I looked at a book of pictures of contemporary
Indian paintings, and enjoyed it a lot. It was a pleasant surprise: in the last few
years there seems to have been the emergence of a powerful and rich language in
Indian painting…
*18-5-1989, Auroville:
The situation among the people at Matrimandir is becoming critical. I wouldn’t know
how to sum it up; clearly, though, it just cannot go on… I haven’t been present to
all the recent incidents, as I’ve mostly been trying to concentrate on the work and
to get hold of a thread in the midst of all these conflicts. But now lines are being
drawn between two sides, with loud undertones of racial conflict.
Piero and his group are loosing all sense of perspective; Piero is doing some ugly
manoeuvring.
It appears that 3 of his group have gone to Arjun to tell him to go away, and that
this move was triggered by some emotional upset on Mauna’s part… That same
evening, Ramalingam called all the boys together and they decided to ask for a
general meeting to clarify the situation…
I hadn’t known any of that! I had been working with Selvam in the Chamber; I had
seen that Mauna was upset, earlier, and sensed that the whole group, as usual –
Edzart and Andy and P and Giovanni and Lorenzo – was working itself up…
It is all quite insane and becoming so grotesque, practically, that now Selvam and I
are doing between us, effortlessly, three times as much work as the whole gang of
them is doing, so engrossed they are in this elemental, ugly enactment…
*19-5-1989, Auroville:
This morning there was tension and unease. Both Selvam and Ramalingam told me
about their meeting and showed me the letter they have written.