854 / 1424
854
*18-6-1989, Auroville:
I am going on translating Soham’s text and actually enjoying it. Despite the poor
language and the repetitions, the semantic unclarities and sometimes an obvious
lack of maturity or perspective, it is a sincere attempt at sharing a genuine and
valid experience; and it is also interesting for me to try and make it flow better in
the French language.
… Sometimes I am shocked, to the point of disgust, at the signs of ageing, at the
growing disharmonies, imbalances or imperfections it forces on the body; perhaps it
is one odd trait of my constitution, that there’s always been a simultaneity of the
maturing and the ageing processes, as well as a constant fluctuation of energy, so
that there are moments when the body is filled and smooth and others when it is
drained, dissociated, old… In these moments I experience such an acute and sharp
contradiction with both my internal, psychological status, whereby I still feel like a
young boy, a teenager, and the inner reality, wherein I am ageless… It is in a way
like having all the experiences at once that the physiological time is supposed to
bring about successively…
*20-6-1989, Auroville:
JYL has sent me a series of photographs he’d taken here, 4 of which are of Auragni
– he’d met her or, rather, heard her name called and seen her at play in
“Aspiration” and decided there and then that he must take her picture for me. She
looks serious, and intent, and beautiful; my first reaction was “I don’t know her
anymore”, and then it was “she looks too much like Diane”; but now I look at the
prints again and I see she will really be beautiful and unique… Will she ever come
back to me…?
… This morning I asked Catherine whether she’d help me to work on another,
simpler design for the completion of Matrimandir… She is still very much under
Roger A’s influence and loyal to him to a point of near-blindness, but she is willing
to look at it with me…
*21-6-1989, Auroville:
Narayana is a steady team-mate in Selvam’s absence. To think that this man is
now 65, and yet so much younger than most of us, always ready and willing to do
more, to move forward, to give up and offer more…
… Late afternoon, N, who’d been absent for the last 3 days, walked in with his two
kids, drunk and in tears… His wife, it seems, has tried to hang herself; he’d come
home and found her still alive, and called people to help, who took her away; and
the next day her relatives came to beat him up; he’d worked himself drunk so he
could come to me and he was all set to leave his children in my care and go finish
himself off… This all took quite some time and finally I drove them home and left
food-money with them…
*23-6-1989, Auroville:
The Pressure has returned and, with It, the sense of security, that there is progress
and meaning and that, for instance, whatever I see of the remaining ego is the sign
of its undoing, of a new receptivity…