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All the Thoughts
CHAPTER 1 OF NOVEL: THE MEMOIRS OF DAMIEN DELL
An unsettling thought:
I have to talk about the
things that get to me.
Like, being depicted in a
certain way. As if you are
that thing, whatever it is,
that people say you are.
Especially friends. And yet
if the truth be told, they
make you up for their own
purpose, constructing you
the way they want you.
That’s what friendship is
all about and that’s why I
hate it.
So, then, you may well ask,
why have I been living in a
houseshare with a bunch
of so-called friends for the
past two years at the very
least. I ask myself the same
question and the answer
I’ve come up with is that
it seemed to me I could
be better hidden mixed
in with a group of other
people than standing out
alone on the edge of the
crowd, or set far away from
the human race altogether.
And what’s more, to start
off, I had a real belief in
the power of my smile,
trusting to my ability to
be able to turn it on when
needed, like at night,
say. I could chat amiably
just before disappearing
through my bedroom
door last thing, smile a
convincing
good night
and
be gone. Everybody else
in the house disappeared
through their own doors
in just the same style,
and that’s why it was an
acceptable way of carrying
on. It made me one of the
crowd.
But the smiley life I’d