136 292
JayMerill
136
rebellious words, just that
you have to say them or go
under. Until you became
what other people wanted
you to be and never found
your very own self.
Well, at some point I began
questioning all the stuff
that was being fed into
me, that’s all I can say. And
I started fighting against
that
me
they wanted me
to be – a cute new little
version of themselves.
No, I said loud and clear
and this shocked them.
My parents I suppose I
mean. They said, ‘That
is naughty’, or ‘That is
wrong’, and they punished
me. Locked me up in a
room, say, until I was a
better boy. Or, slapped
my leg, if I shouted
No
in
a public place and they
felt disgraced and needed
to show the world they
weren’t going to let me get
away with this violation of
the parent-child rules of
the game. Later, there’d
be kind and gooey kisses,
like I was their little pet. To
remind me what I would
be losing by holding onto
my own
No’s
and going
against them.
And it was in those early
days, when I was five or
six years old, that I took to
the secret dancing. What
it is to dance eh. Such an
enjoyable thing; a brilliant
thing. And I’m particularly
proud of saying I found
it entirely on my own. I
would never do it when
there was music going
on, at a children’s party
for example, which was
just about the one and
only time I was supposed
to dance. Because this
hidden rule was attached
it was an extra big
No
for
me. I sat on the edge of the