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All the voices
165
of my limp. It wasn’t
even her fault, it was my
fault. I knew that. Cherry
looked as though she
wasn’t aware I even had
a limp. That was kind of
her, but kindness can
hurt. I can’t say I enjoyed
the fantasy of the two of
us. There was too much
pain involved. But I could
not seem to help myself;
couldn’t stop dreaming.
So, actually, Cherry was
just another reason for
wanting to get away
from there. It was funny
to think that all the good
things and all the bad
had joined forces against
me. I couldn’t cope with
any of it.
One of my last days in
the house comes back
to me very vividly. I kept
to my room most of the
time because Noisy was
home. He was practicing
his trumpet playing and it
was disturbing to say the
least. I suppose in fairness,
he was something of
a brilliant musician. I
tried to block my ears
so I wouldn’t hear those
perfect
notes;
those
beguiling tunes. I got into
bed and pulled the duvet
up over my ears. It wasn’t
so bad then although
there wasn’t as much
muffling as there used to
be because most of my
stuff had been packed
off to the charity shop.
Finally Noisy went out,
taking the trumpet with
him in its case. I watched
him leave from behind
my bedroom curtain and
when he’d passed out
of sight along the street
I went downstairs and
made myself a coffee. I
was just wondering what I
had in to eat when the key
turned in the front door