587 / 1424
587
And on the way down – I don’t know, I was not alert, and Barbara was talking to
me, and I was emotionally held with my having left Samuel crying -, just as we
rode past Jipmer, a small girl jumped and ran out onto the road: like an arrow she
came in the front of the bike… I did all I could to swerve and avoid running over
her, and I think that is when my front brake snapped, and we skidded and fell
sideways, and the whole weight of the bike came on my leg…
Then, it was rather extraordinary: Barbara got up unhurt, without a scratch; the
little girl got up and was at once taken away by on-lookers, and a small crowd
immediately gathered around us; everybody was extremely gentle, reassuring me
that the child was unharmed and telling me to leave, and showing concern about
my knee: my pants were torn out and one knee was scraped raw… The bike was a
little damaged, dents and broken pieces, and it took me some time to start it again.
We left and rode into town. We were both quiet. I was very much touched, and
feeling that this should not have happened, should not ever happen… I must be
really off the track, really wrong, to allow for such violence to intrude…
We did our shopping, both stunned, and had dinner in a restaurant…
Returning, I found a letter from Ar., confused and resentful… I wrote her a long and
firm answer: it is time to move on…
*14-10-1985, Auroville:
I was half awake throughout the night, the scene of the accident repeating itself
from different angles, along with some other symbolic situations…
… Today is G.M’s birthday; he came to spend an hour with me early afternoon; then
Soaz brought me Samuel and I took him with me back to “Ravena”; I told Janaka
that I would not go ahead with the alteration he and D.M have been pushing for
and that I wanted to have nothing to do with it; I handed him a letter I had
prepared for D.M, stating in effect my refusal to follow what they term as a
“spiritual progress”… This may look like blackmail on my part, but it isn’t, because
in fact I am ready to leave, almost too ready…
*15-10-1985, Auroville:
Une curieuse expérience dans la nuit : il y a eu une sorte de catastrophe, précédée
d’une guerre stupide – comme un dernier acte d’arrogance de l’homme devenu
conscient de la nécessité de changer -, et c’est une débâcle générale de tous les
survivants, la nuit, dans l’océan ; c’est un chaos terrible, percé de lueurs ; des
foules se débattent sur des épaves, des débris de constructions qui flottent épars ;
je me trouve là, lié à quelques-uns, et je ne cesse de montrer qu’il faut aller seul,
sans supports, et nager librement, sans peur de ce qui est dans les profondeurs de
l’eau ; et nous avançons à la nage au sein de ce tumulte, nos corps parfois couverts
de créatures sous-marines, dans cette étrange clarté de fin du monde… Au moment
de la guerre, déclanchée par la stupidité des dernières convictions, j’observais à
distance, et je voyais la seule issue possible, sur le front de mer, et de loin
j’apercevais tel ou tel se détachant de la folie générale et se dirigeant aussi vers
l’océan ; et je crois que j’y guidais C aussi…
And there was a strange dream with Diane and Auragni too: I find them in a big
house, in “Aspiration”; a house quite full of funny people, all working gaily; there is
a sort of on-going conference; when she sees that I have no aggressiveness
towards her, Diane accepts my presence and becomes friendly; and then Auragni
wakes up: it is not that she recognises me but… somehow she awaits me, and when