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*22-9-1985, Auroville:
I can’t stand G.M and M’s trip anymore; it bears on my nerves, it gnaws at the
atmosphere here: they’re both lying, lying… And what affects me most is precisely
to be affected by it…! It’s as if they do not want to make a step, and they are
trampling on the occasions given them to move forward; it’s like a mushy affective
pull all the time around me… They had another heavy scene this morning; G.M
came to complain… Is that all he contributes to the gift of friendship? It touches me
deeply that G.M is not more motivated to be truthful, or to at least try…
*23-9-1985, Auroville:
I am re-reading “Seven Days in India” – the entretiens with Satprem – and I find
that it is actually the clearest communication he has made in these last years; I go
through it again very happily.
Somehow I seem to understand everything all over again, because there is a new
readiness, or willingness that has opened in my nature.
I am just anxious for Your hand to stay on, on, on…
… This evening I went to visit with Barbara and Ruud; their life together has picked
up its own rhythm and accord; they both have a sense of humour…
… Douce Mère, Tu es vivante: sois mon chemin…!
*25-9-1985, Auroville:
This morning I felt the atmosphere here had eased a bit; M was quieter, and I
sensed that G.M on his own had taken a slight step away from the drama…
Between two rain showers, I went with Barbara over to “Forecomers”; I checked
the work there for the day, and showed her around; then we rode down to Pondy
through the back road, that was like a young river, and the canyon alongside was
flooding rapidly. We had a good moment in town, our first since she came back
from Europe, where she could express some synthesis of what she has experienced
in this past period, with some clear joy…
… Johnny has now taken the name of “Janaka”; and the place we are creating may
now be named “Ravena”: by the cry of the soul…
This evening, the sky was so huge, limned with a crown of crazy moving monsoon
clouds, all lit up and rolling along the circling horizon…
*26-9-1985, Auroville:
With the least imbalance in the energies, with the least weakness in my awareness,
with the least veiling of that contact I need so much, I begin again to see things,
Auroville, and our situation here, in a crude and critic light, and the sensation
returns of a zoo, or rather of a sort of weird pathology Museum, and I can’t stand
anybody anymore…! I would scream for some human beauty, some human
harmony; I could scream for the sight of just one person who is in harmony…
Sitting at the Samadhi this evening, I saw Pranab and a few others: they all looked
to me like monsters, deflated monsters, wrecks or shadows of other beings,
depleted, abnormal, grotesque; and we here are sometimes looking the same,
prisoners of our self-created formations, stuck…