581 / 1424
581
… Ar. tells me of another stupid, pretentious letter from the French Association… I
find that there is an obtuseness, a thickness…
C’est la bêtise qui est l’élément commun à toutes ces attitudes…
We have to laugh!
*25-8-1985, Auroville:
On his way to the airport to receive M this morning, G.M stopped here, seeking
encouragement… And this evening, Ar. and I were walking back from the Green
Belt, G.M stopped his taxi, alone, to say he’d botched it all and M had gotten down
at “Sincerity”; it had turned very sour between them; she was waiting for me…
So I spend the evening with her, trying to dissolve the drama, by letting her see
the various elements and the different levels; she then decided to go to “Dana” and
pack the rest of her things, and she asked to come back here, either at Ar.’s or in
C’s house; I drove her to “Dana” late tonight, stayed with them for a moment, and
left them…
*26-8-1985, Auroville:
Krishna this morning refused to lend me a ladder which I needed… What is this
game he keeps playing with me? I do not know. But, on a plain human level, I find
it rotten, and I find him opaque…
… There is a funny “side effect” to the Pressure that has become active again – or
of which I have become aware again -: a layer has risen up, which I did not know
and had not experienced as yet; it is a layer all imbibed with violence, or in which
violence is a “native” expression… Does it come from another, distant life? It is
quite foreign to me now, in this present make-up; but I find myself, at odd
moments, and quite simply and “naturally”, ready to punch and knock down the
first person who will cross me…!
*28-8-1985, Auroville:
M and G.M have been trying to reach some clarity, but it doesn’t seem to work
out…; they come now and then to see me, and sometimes separately, but what can
I do? And today M tells me that she had been warned, earlier in the relationship, by
Louis and several others, that she must be very careful about my influence lest
their couple breaks up… There! I am responsible for that too…!
M has now moved to Ar.’s…
*29-8-1985, Auroville:
Nothing is outwardly different, I don’t seem to be any more this or any less that,
but something is being… condensed, behind the psychological mask… It is Your
hand, Douce Mère, and I can’t help praying, asking “do not ever withdraw it
again!”…
*1-9-1985, Auroville:
A lot of silence…
I feel that I should be, that I can be, and that I really am, a friend to people…
But, to bring it out, to put things in their place, I also need to be dynamised,
accomplished, fulfilled…