595 / 1424
595
*14-11-1985, Auroville:
There seems to be such a great absence in me… And yet I meet very interesting
people in my sleep…! Last night there were those people who have material powers
so bewildering, riches so enormous, and who are so far beyond showing them off…
These are individuals with their questions and commitments and they absolutely
want to find their own orientations by themselves, and each one is so interesting…
… This afternoon after the work at “Ravena” I had tea with N at his “house”: where
he lives is actually worse than a shack in a slum; his mother-in-law has given him,
his wife and their two children, this “shelter” where there is no air and no light and
hardly any room to stand, damp and dark and filthy… And that is their life… And I
have no idea how we can communicate, on what basis; through what experience,
and yet there is current between us which I had not, so far, felt with anyone from
this pool or background…
*15-11-1985, Auroville:
Last night, a peculiar experience with… a fox! First it is a place, then it is a real
being. Un renard, ou une renarde, dans mes bras, et il y a une étrange et
touchante tendresse, une confiance qui jaillit.
And this is followed by an experience about the phallus as a symbol of a reality to
be assimilated individually: one, two, three, direction, dynamism, origin…
… The people of the Department of Agriculture in Pondy came to say that the boring
equipment would begin to arrive at “Ravena’ this coming Monday… But we’ll need a
constant water-supply during the drilling, and I found that Ed’s pump is still out of
order, so it may all be a bit hectic…
*16-11-1985, Auroville:
I am struggling with this feminine part in me which, as they say, “falls in love”,
head over heels; and I don’t want to fight it as I used to, by drawing the wrong
force: I want to learn to offer it to Sri Aurobindo, because I know He truly
understands the genuineness of that yearning, behind the ignorance of the
movement, that a man can sometimes experience for another man…
*17-11-1985, Auroville:
Mother, it is true that I am holding on to this yearning, that I am not willing to give
it up… But it is true also that it has a terrible power and does not let me go, and
that it has been laid on my life by a cause I cannot yet fathom… Would You help
me, please…? Perhaps if I could be given to live a mutual, free, sincere relationship,
at this point in this life, then I would be able to offer it all and move into You, with
gratitude; because it is in my nature to offer in gratitude more than I fight and
strife…
*18-11-1985, Auroville:
Last night in one of my dreams, there are small children in my care, and Samuel is
one of them; and suddenly he slips from a high branch of a huge tree, where we
have gathered: he falls slowly, while I call You all the way, and he lands quietly
onto a pile of sand…
And Samuel was so sweet today…