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… I received this evening an unsigned invitation to read some of my poems, among
other guests, at a soirée in the Auroville Library on the 28
th
; this is, I suppose, a
gentle gesture from some quarters – the “Fraternity” people had refused two of my
poems for publication once they learnt I was the author… Anyway, I answered as
gently that I did not believe much in reading one’s poetry in such contexts…
*26-2-1986, Auroville:
Sometimes I feel nearly drowned into some kind of thick milieu, with this material
work at “Ravena”, between all this mentalised matter, the tools and machines and
equipment and the working of them, and the weight of these 40 men’ energies… By
now I have become aware of what goes on beneath the layer of smile, what goes
on between and among them all, and it is nearly as suffocating as anywhere else…
And at present with the tides of politics struggling and ebbing back and forth all
over this area of Tamil Nadu (DMK, a party rather inclined towards fascism, has
won in most places), there is a degree of gloom in the general atmosphere…
This morning, though, the mixer machine was delivered safely; practically
unnoticed… And I should say that things went rather well; I had to go back to town
with Jagannathan to find another vibrator and get diesel, and got sunburnt on the
way… I couldn’t rest at noon, as Kenneth came and sat and talked nonsense for a
full hour… This afternoon I decided with the bar-bender to add a few more steel
bars to the reinforcement, so he will have to stay overtime to finish it all… When I
saw that everything was as ready as it could get in these conditions, I let everyone
else go home; we shall do the puja tomorrow morning.
… At dinner, I had a conversation with Ruud about the Matrimandir shell and the
meeting that is to take place tomorrow with Roger A…
Mother, I do not feel “entitled” to, but I pray that You look at it all and put Your
pressure for the right thing to emerge, out of this tamasic confusion and blur of
opinions and influences…
Do not let Matrimandir alone, please!
It must grow of itself, simple and evident, filled with the power and presence that
come directly from the Supreme, and fulfil its function here, which we are far too
small to encompass and can only tamper with if allowed to…!
*28-2-1986, Auroville:
A « Ravena » nous avons fait la puja à 9 heures hier matin et commencé aussitôt le
bétonnage…
Plus de 258 sacs de ciment, 22 heures de travail intensif continu, avec des
interruptions de 15 ou 20 minutes ; il était midi quand, 27 heures plus tard, nous
avons fini.
J’ai appris beaucoup.
Je suis rentré ici épuisé, les pieds rongés par le béton, et j’ai dû passer une heure à
me nettoyer… Debout les pieds dans le ciment frais à vibrer pendant 27 heures ou
presque tout en m’assurant que tout se déroulait bien, avec 60 hommes
supposément à diriger… Mais c’est Autre Chose…
Ar. et John sont venus aider toute la nuit, et c’était doux ; Narayana est aussi venu,
assez longtemps.
D.M était contente ; et elle m’a invité ce soir à venir manger la nourriture qu’elle a
elle-même préparée…
J’aurais beaucoup à dire, je crois, mais je suis comme hébété…
Aujourd’hui est la Fête d’Auroville.