655 / 1424
655
hopeless… at least for this generation it seems that not even intensive education
could change a iota of it; this generation seems to be doomed. Perhaps those who
are now born, in the midst of this chaos, will have to reach for another sort of
survival, and from that a change will become possible, without some catastrophe…
Being white, and European-born, whatever takes place in my bit of substance and
consciousness is of no consequence and can in no way affect or contribute to the
general substance and consciousness here – and I wonder often about the sense of
being transplants, a colony of transplants… It isn’t easy…!
… There is something in me, something conscious, that greatly suffers from
disharmony; disharmony in myself first of all, but in a general way from the
artificiality of this material existence, from all these intermediaries that are felt as
so many interferences and deforming agents; and I haven’t found the way, yet, to
accept it all so that it can be offered for the change…
*10-7-1986, Auroville:
Soaz has written again: they are doing well, and their relationships with D.A have
improved and quietened and seem to have settled at the right distance, and
Samuel, she writes, is alright, and very aware that I am with him, even at night…
*11-7-1986, Auroville:
Janaka is in a pitiful state, just bones, and he can hardly stand on his feet now; one
of his legs is fully swollen and painful; it appears to be like the effect of some
poisoning of his lymph. But – of course – he won’t go to any allopathic doctor…
*12-7-1986, Auroville:
This morning was my weekly Kitchen duty; I was a little tense for a while, because
I had decided to try and do something about the mess this place has been in lately,
and for that I first had to talk with Sylvano; I made my observations and
suggestions when he came, and listened to him describing the difficulties he has in
collecting enough money around to merely keep things going and to what he thinks
and feels of the situation in Auroville; and everywhere one looks, it is an absurd,
unwholesome and disharmonious situation, no doubt, whether at Matrimandir, or in
the general distribution of energies, or in the running of Services; in the smallest
necessities of daily life as in the larger issues nothing seems to make much sense in
the way of progress… (Every time I hear Ar. tell me what goes on at Matrimandir, I
want to hit the wall!)
But what is the alternative before one? To keep to oneself more and more? To me
this work at the Kitchen is my last link to a community life… Or else, to jump back
into the fray, and to try to fight and to contribute?
… I have nearly finished reading Carl Sagan’s study, “Contact”; I am very attracted
to this experience of meeting the material point where time and space zero in and
instantly become at once a threshold and a channel; I feel that it meets with Your
movement, and that it concerns each of us tremendously…
*13-7-1986, Auroville:
This has been a peculiar day; it is today exactly 10 years ago that D.M fell off the
scaffold at Matrimandir…