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*1-8-1986, Auroville:
Janaka is, I think, at the limits; in the morning it had become peaceful – I’d felt I
could simply try to centre and channel some peaceful, as a service to You; but then
Birenda came to visit, and wanted us to take Janaka to the Hospital; he was all
exercised about it, because he’d become frightened and, I guess, did not want to
bear any responsibility; mainly to calm him down (both D.M and Janaka wanted
nothing to do with hospitals), I told him to bring a doctor if he wanted…
With Janaka himself, it comes and goes: parts of his body become numb or inert,
and then respond again; he is extremely weakened, and he’s lost so much weight
that, tall as he is, I can now carry him in my arms as I carry D.M… But even though
it is so very hard, every chance is taken by him and by her for that wonderful sense
of humour…!
The doctor came, eventually, around 5 pm; I think he was at once very afraid and
deeply moved; he refused any payment and sort of ran away backwards, once he’d
done his examination and pleaded with Janaka to get admitted into Jipmer Hospital
for complete check-up and immediate treatment; he first said that this might be a
case of infection that had got to the brain; but, once outside, he mentioned that
infamous modern ghost… I wondered, what is the use of opening to all this naming
and fixing? D.M is adamant that Janaka must remain here in Auroville…
My concern is how long, how far we can go on, practically, without any help; N was
exhausted this morning, and confused… I have asked J.L to help me, or at least to
look for someone in Auroville who could, and take turns with N at night; he said he
himself isn’t available, but promised he’d try to find help…
*2-8-1986, Auroville:
Midst all the night activities, there was one of a different character: there was a
very strange and very complex, multi-levelled and multi-layered place, that was
made up to express and enact, like a game that anyone could play, the forces that
concur to animate the experience of being manifest…
… I have so much to assimilate and no time for it… Today I got some anger at D.M
over her extensive, overwhelming emotional and “wisdom-oriented” movements:
she was making it so complicated to feed Janaka that I ended up doing it all myself,
but I was angry, and it altered the atmosphere; she found me hard and she cried;
somehow though, this brought in a kind of challenge to which each of us three had
to respond truthfully, and it seems to have brought Janaka back to some sense of
physical harmony…
… D.M has surrendered all her ideas and judgments regarding medical help: she
just wants him to heal, and fast, one way or another. This perhaps has eased some
tension.
Then the idea came to call for Dhruva (Ar. had mentioned him to me), and Janaka
wanted to try. So I sent for him, and it was good; I was glad to meet the man I
saw this afternoon: he was very calm, did not try to formulate any diagnosis, and
was actually quite puzzled; we gave him as complete a picture as we could, and
Janaka himself talked quite a bit to describe what he’d been through… Dhruva left
with the promise he would try and figure the kind of help that ought to be given.
Later Birenda came back, and this time he accepted the choice not to go to any
Hospital…