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*7-8-1986, Auroville:
I am not too well: the whole area at the bottom of my spine is tight, inflamed and
painful and I can hardly bend; there is still some fever too, and my intestines are
running amok…
It might have been impossible this morning, but for Krishna bringing me a sort of
cataplasm based on belladonna to lay on my spine, and with this on I was able to
move…
I could sleep a few hours midday, though, and I tried to get my bearings.
*8-8-1986, Auroville:
This evening D.M decided, after much hesitating and questioning her own intuitions,
to try that Ayurvedic medicine, which is a nut called “Anacardia” in Latin, that
grows in the Himalayas; it took some special preparation, and Janaka swallowed it
bravely, surrendered as he is to D.M…
… Gupi and J.L have also taken some shifts now; I had to introduce J.L to the scene
today, and together we worked with and for Janaka, and I was glad to have him
there, he is dear to me; with Gupi, I am reluctant towards what comes through as a
sort of folkloric of… You know, the perfect apparatus of goodwill, cheerfulness,
unconditional surrender and trust in the Grace in the face of every difficulty: such a
model attitude broadcast at every moment… I know, I have contacted a psychic
being there too, a child of Yours, but I can never take his ambulatory advertising
number…! So I keep quiet and somewhat distant, but I like him well enough,
despite what all he threw onto me in the past, in relation to my princess…
*9-8-1986, Auroville:
D.M has a lot of shakti; but, in her untransformed parts, it becomes a tyranny. Yet
she is my sister, and You have put me there!
… Janaka is perhaps very slowly improving, reviving; I feel that he is still searching
for some direction as to what he is supposed to do next, how he is supposed to
serve; he wants and needs D.M to be given at last the power or the means to undo
that that terrible physical condition; while D.M wants him to get back on his feet so
he can take up again his work with her.
To me there is not enough space in this situation, in the way it is set, for a real
change to occur. But there must be trust, and they are both calling, and the
situation itself is a call. Just like the name of this place, “Ravena”: the cry of the
soul…
*10-8-1986, Auroville:
Last night there was an episode about time, and the arbitrary rule that prevails, the
insistence on everyone wearing a watch, and I am refusing this sort of coalition to
make people mark the time linearly, exclusively one way, thus remaining under the
influence of the same old power…
… I am aware that every moment is an opportunity for one progress or another,
and I am grateful for all that I am given… This story, though, isn’t making enough
sense, isn’t making full sense; I am not happy with Janaka’s attitude at present: he
does not care enough… I don’t know; perhaps it is just the difference in our
natures, his being quite far, on the spectrum, from mine…