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perhaps it does, I don’t really know… It certainly shows me a lot on this question of
objective versus subjective, and on the nature of true consciousness…
*11-9-1986, Auroville:
I was told that Satprem has recently announced, to someone in Auroville I think:
“Mère arrive…!”
Whatever happens, it is the ego that must go, be undone and yield to the
concreteness of truth… I thought to You: would You be then “their property”, the
property of all those who label themselves “Satprem’s faithful followers”? Would
You, could You enter there? You are too big, Mother, much, much too big…!
But any of these thoughts could not even be there at all if there was no ego left:
there would be no question; there would only be Your Touch on the unified stuff of
my consciousness…
*13-9-1986, Auroville:
I found at the airport a book I had not read yet of Jane Roberts, “Adventures in
Consciousness”… D.M had asked me to send another telegram to Satprem – she’d
had a big fright this morning when it looked for an instant that Janaka was gone -;
but the airport had no telegraph service, so I asked C to send it tonight from
Bombay…
*14-9-1986, Auroville:
To me, very often, D.M and Janaka’s relating to You amounts to superstition; they
have both made the choice to rely exclusively on You for the reality of the body, in
such extreme circumstances, but they are not aware of Your Presence and they do
not have, as sometimes D.M acknowledges, a conscious basis of experience to
sustain that choice…
I cannot help. There may well be some occult problem behind that nasty fever that
keeps coming and rising in Janaka’s body, demolishing every time whatever small
progress was made and pushing his consciousness out, or in weird positions in
relation to the physical sheath; and I have no clue as to who, around here, could
help…
… It seems to me that Janaka is also full of very mixed notions towards karma, guilt
and justice, and I often catch glimpses of attitudes, these days, that are quite
unhealthy and wrong… It is often as if there was some malign will behind all this to
make them both go mad…
This morning D.M freaked heavily, and screamed for a long time, because Janaka
would not swallow some potion, and she couldn’t bear it any more…
I have considered alternatives, but none is clear; where could Janaka be taken, and
who among us would take care of him when D.M herself needs constant care?
… I had a moment of depression this morning: C and R’s leaving made like a hole in
the tension, after the strain of trying to be available to them as well during their
stay…
*15-9-1986, Auroville:
Today was perhaps a better day for Janaka; I made contact with this Ayurvedic
Doctor Rao and he visited this afternoon and found an infection of the kidneys
which was causing the fever, and we started this evening a new treatment to