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Because it was legally a suicide, her body was to be autopsied. And so it was forced
to undergo one more, ultimate misery.
David N brought her body back, wrapped like a mummy, this afternoon.
We laid it next to Janaka’s.
Both wrapped in flowers.
Janaka’s burial had been fixed for the evening. Fred insisted that D.M’s body must
also be buried at the same time. Many people had been informed.
The boxes were made ready. The pit was dug out.
Larry and I set them into the pit, and placed a large painting of Sri Krishna as a
child, at the heads, facing east.
It was 6 pm when the soil was thrown over them.
I had promised D.M never to take her to the Hospital, and I failed. I had not
realised that all these people would then be there, asserting their “authority”… In
their ignorance, they forced another horror upon her.
But perhaps there is also something in Auroville that refuses the event of death
itself: recently, there was Gandolf, and then Ruud, and now Janaka and D.M, and
each somehow had to “die” away from Auroville…
I have begun to feel that I must try and complete the main house at “Ravena”; this
seems to make sense, from many angles. And there is a sort of deep commitment
that has developed in the workmen as well; this ought to be brought to fruition, if
only to heal what this drama has hurt… When I went back at dawn to day, I found
that several of them had stayed there on watch the entire night, while no one from
Auroville had…
*16-10-1986, Auroville:
It is all working itself out in my active consciousness now; I can see how the mind,
or some of the mental processes at least, have a role to play as instruments to the
higher consciousness… Things I knew or “felt” behind thoughts and emotions, in a
wordless way, I can now “understand”; information collects and falls into place,
filling the blanks… I see now what formations and barriers of energy were there…
… I have felt that I must, as far and as thoroughly as possible try and re-establish
harmony there.
It is as if D.M and Janaka, having had neither the time nor the will to consider
anything beyond their own present predicament, left the entire load of material
details and things behind them, uncleared, and that I am the only person it seems
who can bring some order into it. And I am willing to do it. That mess, that chaos,
that drama, must all be absorbed and give way for the harmony they had both
aimed for…
Their burial place is quiet.
I need to go to the end of this sorting out, so that all harshness is burnt out…
*18-10-1986, Auroville:
During the day, as during the night, there is a kind of active meditation,
concentration and sorting process all at once, on D.M and Janaka, about them,
sometimes with them. There are all the gradations of experience that, in them,
were bound within the circle of fate…