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710
When scorched
By sun and wind the flaming petals
Curl and darken
On their rim, beauty still pulsing
In their veins, velvet joy
The soul’s love
Rises with care –
Slow tears of bursting
Adoration
It is the Lord’s
Body
That Matter
Incarnates”
*24-2-1987, Auroville:
I am trying hard to become conscious of what causes these fluctuations of energy;
why, for instance, for days on end I must endure this heavy fatigue and
dejectedness and then one day it is all lifted up and the energy is free and flowing
and there is a fullness in the body and a quiet enthusiasm… I try to see and feel
what is happening, from different angles; I tend usually to believe that it must all
be a matter of the right attitude, of sincerity; but then there are obviously other
factors as well: there is the determinism of what constitutes the general
atmosphere at any given moment; there is the weather and its changes; there is
whatever one has to experience and assimilate coming from others or from
situations and formations; then there is the factor of how much energy must go
into the work of inner change and transformation; and there is, there has been
markedly in the past several months, the struggle with what was perceived in me
as agents of the force of death – tentacles of the false renouncement, the action of
ending, undoing and decomposing… There is also, always, the question of mental
transparency and quietness, of the mind’s freedom from all formations and
thoughts rising from old states of consciousness, and that of their effects on the
body’s equilibrium; and there is the sense, varying, puzzling, and evolving, of time,
of duration, and of its complement, space…
*25-2-1987, Auroville:
Su spoke at length of her present state, of the strain of not being able, as yet, to
settle anywhere, of having to restrain herself from attachments and, about “us”, of
the knowledge sometimes hard to bear that she cannot hold me and must let go
and be on her own while at the same time continuing to experience the reality of
our relationship… She said these things with some pain, but with complete honesty,
and she felt much relieved afterwards…
… This morning Larry and I met Joy and Edith at S’s house and we took them down
to “Ravena”, where we showed them around and explained everything to them;
they were open and very moved by the place: they have offered to try and
convince Janaka’s father, when they return to England in a week’ time, to send the
necessary amounts to complete the work…
… These days I often “think” I’d like the opportunity to create freely an entire place,
drawing from my own access to creativity, or else to be given the responsibility for