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for all the opposing ignorance in Nature - this was, I guess, triggered by the bite,
one more bite, by a cockroach, obviously mischievous, intentional… -, a Power that
is protective and incarnating at once…
… The US Navy is again cruising towards Libya; it is as if Reagan was actively
pushing and provoking a situation that would enact all the threats of today’ world…
*13-4-1986, Auroville:
Every night, for part of the night, I go into adventures, improbable, novel-like
situations with people and in places I do not know; last night, one such place was a
sort of power plant, located on a sandy rise near to the sea, very green with
beautiful grass and a harmonious arrangements of hedges, and there on that sandy
stretch almost fully surrounded by the ocean, are kept white sheep and white
geese…
… N came to fetch me at dawn and we drove over to the village of Pattai, to a place
that is still beautiful, despite the falsity of today’ Tamil society, and vibrant with
India’s deeper reality, to attend the marriage ceremony of Jaïmurthy; the scene
was interesting, and Jaïmurthy held himself very straight and very clear; and I was
happy to have come, for his sake and the sake of friendship; Janaka also came with
Auralice; with N it was sweet, the way he was sort of openly declaring, with
pleasure and confidence, our relationship…
*14-4-1986, Auroville:
There is the sense of a persisting adversity, either in me or using me, pressing
against me, taking my life, my existence as a support; and the sense of being
increasingly cut from the others, from people and from life itself – it would seem by
my own choice, but that choice is determined by this impossibility I seem to
represent; the sense of being less and less able to communicate, at simple life-
levels, with others… In my experience I am aware of no intermediate levels of
communication between the flow of sexual attraction, on the one hand, and at the
other end the flow of consciousness between beings who are given and belong to
the making of the new creation; while everyone I know seems to be naturally able
to move between these two ends or extremes… This gives a sense of solitude that
is sometimes hard to bear, when compared to a creative situation of having
someone to love, someone to cherish, with an interchange to evolve and a rapport,
active and alive, with the world through that relationship… This is my ego veiling,
obstructing, weighing, deforming…
… D.M had asked me for dinner, to see with her and Janaka about some details in
the finishing of “Ravena”; we fought again, this time over the issue of “tradition”;
and of her lecturing me; and, as every time, it dissolved into smile and laughter
and the trusting awareness of one another; and the rest of the evening together
was very quiet; Auralice performed some dance steps she had just learned, and I
bathed for a while in an atmosphere of simple and genuine human harmony, seeing
too how Janaka is a happy man, and a fine one too… What have I done to be so
hardened to life, so wholly incapable of living…?
*15-4-1986, Auroville:
The US have raided and bombed Tripoli and Benghazi in Libya last night. I heard
part of Reagan’s speech: the perfect incarnation of that insane moral righteousness
that still stands valid for so many forces in today’ world… It is useless at this point