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show to Kireet, and it says that these statements represent only a handful of
people, while the large majority of the Aurovilians was actually happy about the
Government Takeover…
…It’s like I am in a perpetual crisis, and yet nothing ever seems to come out of it: a
kind of status quo, and never any breakthrough…
*2-4-1986, Auroville:
Narayana sat with me for part of my night-watch; he asked me to start working
again every day at Matrimandir and to organise a new team with those who are
available and willing… But I don’t know how I can practically manage to put several
hours daily at Matrimandir, as I am keeping Samuel every afternoon and wouldn’t
stop doing that… Yet, is that Your answer to my prayer to be used…?
*4-4-1986, Auroville:
Ar. wanted to know how I wished my birth day to be set, next week; but I do not
want to think about it; I just wish it would be Yours, truly Yours… Perhaps one day,
one year, I will have something worth giving; but at present, nothing is really
established and so, there can be nothing to celebrate; this, I told her, is how I
feel…
*8-4-1986, Auroville:
More and more I feel as if non-existent: rather, existing merely as an inertia and a
resistance; a lack of response to the awareness of Your Presence…
I gave taken up drawing again, every afternoon; and this evening, once more, I
forgot the time and was too late for dinner at the Kitchen…
*9-4-1986, Auroville:
Il y a à la fois le sens d’un état d’être, très proche, très abordable, tout à fait simple
et conscient de Toi, conscient de Ca ; et, à la faveur de toutes petites
circonstances, la réalisation évidente, indubitable, de l’énormité du changement
nécessaire pour que cet état devienne vivant et manifeste…
*11-4-1986, Auroville:
Blank: the demolition goes on…
Outwardly I find it difficult to have no proper work or defined activity, as a frame
for the daily progress; to merely make others work – to “supervise” – while doing
nothing physically myself…
*12-4-1986, Auroville:
I need the days to recover and recuperate from the nights!!! There was a period
last night when I went into a sort of “pondering” the niceties of pseudo spiritual
imagery, while in actual terms the process of undoing the physical ego implies
practical questions which are far removed from such representations… But perhaps
this is only because I am hardly even a “beginner”? I tend to see and feel that the
very first necessity is the concrete and direct intervention of a Power different in
nature, so that the opening of the physical consciousness does not become a feast