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At night when we went back to the airport, the authorities wouldn’t let me
accompany her up to the plane; but the people who were handling such cases were
so rough and careless that R got really mad and finally obtained a permit for me to
take her myself up into the plane. I just had time to see her settled on a couch that
had been set at the front of the plane – this huge metal bird packed full of people. I
could well have gone along with them as the company had made R pay for 9 seats!
But I kissed and hugged her and R and stepped back out and they shut the cabin
door behind me and I was rushed into a car and out of the airport, where A.GC was
waiting for me.
And there I was, riding in this beautiful car at night, listening to Verdi, along the
richer streets of Bombay up and down its hills that are built above the sea…
19-5-1987, Auroville:
R phoned from Paris yesterday night, at Matrimandir. C is resting and the doctors
have confirmed that there is no serious damage and she will only need reinforced
treatment for the osteoporosis, once she is able to move freely again.
… I am trying to bring everything to order…
*21-5-1987, Auroville:
G.M is going back to France tomorrow. He will take my letter for C.
*24-5-1987, Auroville:
The only thing that remains is the sense, within me, that my being belongs to the
Force, whatever happens – and whether or not It wants to use it or change it and
turn it into something worthwhile…
I don’t know whether something has snapped, or gone behind a veil.
I don’t think so because I am still aware of You, Mother, as my centre and my
anchor and the key to what comes…
*25-5-1987, Auroville:
Right now I just long for physical harmony, physical ease, physical beauty.
Sensations are largely, I know, an illusion or a crust; but these days, in every 24
hours, there are hardly one or two pleasant sensations and they come like stolen
parts, not as from a whole…! I long for a room with bay-windows looking over the
infinite sea, I long for its wind…
*30-5-1987, Auroville:
This morning Datta and Mitra removed that cyst from the top of my forehead, with
Nicole’s gentle help; it was simple and quiet and they were very sweet and funny
and light. I think I hold Your children at the Ashram dearer than those in Auroville…
They removed a hard smooth, separate formation of cells from my scalp, like a
large bean: cells that have gone their separate way?
My head is shaved now. I wear a turban!