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And I have to do this because I need help and understanding. I do not mean
‘sympathy’ or any emotional echo. But I mean understanding in the sense of clarity
of thought, feeling and action.
I have been separated by people of Auroville from my own child with Diane,
Auragni, for more than two years – against my will, against my aspiration, against
everything I believe in.; separated from her by people who call me an ‘asura’
sometimes.
And to my understanding, this is an insane statement.
I have seen people lie because of that, just lie.
I have seen how important the play of influences in Auroville is. I have had
innumerable proofs that all these so-called ‘clear’ positions held by many people
here arise in fact from very shallow water.
When Diane herself was away in Australia for four months, the winter before last,
with our daughter, she would write to me every week and wait for my letters. Yet
as soon as she was back in Auroville, she begun again to refuse me access to
Auragni, involving even her own children to prevent me from seeing her, and
asking other people to lie to me so she would be ‘safe’.
And this because I was still not accepted by the group-formation to which she
wanted so much to belong.
Are we all sick here, do we all fall so contrary to our true aspiration that we have
such a devouring need to ostracise others, and to protect our individual weaknesses
and shortcomings with big words?
I call for help. I call for Diane to realise the extent of this stupidity. I call for others
to realise it leads us nowhere, nowhere at all.
I want to see Auragni. I want her to know that I am there for her, and with her. I
have tried everything I could, alone. I have feared, sometimes, to fall prey to
violence, or to madness. I want this story to stop. I ask for a moment of
reconsideration of where we stand, of what in us allows such situations to develop
and fix themselves among us.
I want Auragni to be free of all that and never to hear of such misery. I want
Auragni to be a child of a true Auroville, cared for by all, including me. There is
something true and real between her and me. And I cannot bear any longer that
the very people who have gathered to discover what Mother’s Truth means in their
lives are the ones who prevent me from living it. I need help.
I am willing to answer any questions, provided they are put straight to me, without
ill-will, in any forum people may choose in Auroville.
For how is it that never anyone has come to tell me frankly, openly, what was held
against me? How is it that I am only subject to this constant dishonest
undermining?
In trust,
Divakar”
*24-5-1985, Auroville:
Barbara, Ruud et Akash s’en vont demain, et Deepti est venue leur dire au revoir;
elle est restée assez longtemps en fait, à parler avec nous de ma situation dans
Auroville, de Diane, d’Auragni… Deepti semble très lucide à propos de Diane, et de
ceux dont elle désire tant l’approbation et le soutien ; elle semble voir très clair
dans tout ce jeu et les mensonges des uns et des autres, dont elle souffre
également ; mais elle ne m’a pas encouragé, redoutant pour moi que je ne
rencontre qu’un mur impossible à franchir et, en m’exposant ainsi, ne donne à ces
gens que plus de prise et le moyen de me détruire ou de me faire quitter Auroville…