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a nasty exchange and that Piero is being particularly silly and dishonest these
days)…
… This afternoon at “Ravena” with Samuel has restored me somewhat… It seems
that I have no resources when people pull too much; I have not learned yet to draw
from above as it goes, and so I need harmony, physical and material harmony, to
get back together…
*18-12-1985, Auroville:
I think I could actually write a book about any of these days… Instead, I just throw
some laconic notes!
But it is a constant and tangible learning, and I can’t complain! All the troubles only
arise from the resistance of the ego to give itself up, to “abdicate” as You say, it is
obvious…!
… I took Ar. down to town this evening, so she could do her shopping, and I went
to see E.B. She has been given some more appropriate medicine by a French doctor
from the Consulate, and she had slept well, and was better able to communicate…
We ended up having dinner the three of us; she has practically accepted now the
necessity to return to France, and her reservations are being made, but she is also
frightened. Later there was a moment of clarity, when she could express her need
to receive and to feel a clear indication of what she is meant to do at this junction;
and I had then to withdraw my own pressure, so as to let her call and to call with
her; for, if she can open to You again, everything is possible, and she could even
find the way to stay here, or in Pondy… But I still have the impression it would be
less risky for her to go back to Europe for a while, until she can manage without
medication, rather than remaining exposed to all the tensions here…
*20-12-1985, Auroville:
I left at dawn, to pick up Jagannathan at his house and drive with him over to
Kilyanur, half-way to Tindivanam, to meet with Elumalai there and impress upon
him that he must now finish, one way or another, this land matter… It felt freezing
cold, and a radiant mist was laid all over the fields, far into the distance, towards
the red slow powerful globe of the rising sun; it is wonderful to be up and about at
this time of the day now…
*22-12-1985, Auroville:
N brought me a message from D.M and Janaka: there is apparently some “problem”
with the roof of the small temporary house, about which she wants to talk to me
this evening itself, before I meet E.B… I have to get over a feeling that D.M is
somehow being very whimsical… It doesn’t help that I feel this way!
… I found E.B in a very improved condition; we had dinner together and she was
harmonious and well-poised, simple and tender; it is not yet clear, between the
Consulate and Mondial Assistance, how she will travel to Madras tomorrow, but she
knows I am ready to go with her if need be…
*23-12-1985, Auroville:
E.B est partie, dans une voiture envoyée par Mondial Assistance ; elle est venue me
dire au revoir à « Ravena » cet après-midi ; j’ai trouvé qu’elle était capable d’aller
seule si je donnais devant elle des instructions précises au chauffeur ; elle était très