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for a taxi and worked to convince her she must move out of Auroville and perhaps
go back to France for a while, to catch hold of the work she must do in herself
quietly and patiently, so as to become able to return here again… It was tough to
get her together enough to pack up a minimum; then it was also tough to find a
place in Pondy where she could stay, and tough to have to leave her there alone…
G.M came down to pick me up so I could get back to the work at “Ravena”, and he
and M will go this evening to bring her the correct medicines…
Later I went to see Arjun and a few others to ask them to visit E.B often during the
next few days; and then I’ll see how to arrange for her plane ticket, although I’d
rather wish she would open to Your help and Grace and find the time and place
here, in India, to recover and rebuild herself anew, with a clear purpose and a
central understanding…
Douce Mère, E a besoin de Toi; il n’y a personne d’autre que Toi qui puisse l’aider…
Mère, on est si misérable, on est si petit, et on est si laid… ! C’est terrible!
*15-12-1985, Auroville:
I am looking again at this question of multiple personality; through E.B’s difficulties,
as through G.M’s, as through mine, each in different ways, I can see that this is to
some extent a real danger on this path, as long as the psychic being has not been
able to unify all these threads and facets through surrender… There are moments
when the step between multiple personality and split-personality is very short and
frightfully easy, almost tempting…
It is a fact, of life and of consciousness, that no human being is ever just one
person: each of us must integrate and harmonise many different personalities and
identities; yet this is never, initially, a haphazard or arbitrary assemblage; there is
for each of us the central possibility of gathering all the threads that present
themselves in one’s experience. But it is also clear that this can be truly done only
through yoga, through conscious surrender of the ego in each and all of these
parts… I am quite aware for instance that as long as ego and desire are not
surrendering to the central purpose and orientation, one remains vulnerable to
contrary pulls and conflicting yearnings, and to the resulting tensions…!
Perhaps for the first time so consistently, I now feel the need to do some tapasya…
But I don’t know how to organise myself practically; I can only think, at the
moment, of making one hour available for japa and concentration, as a start… But I
have to move; I have to make a step, to make my offering more active and
substantial… I can’t stay like that on and on, this is too ridiculous, pointless and
absurd…!
*16-12-1985, Auroville:
I seem to be solicited a lot by other people’s problems… But this is filled with little
snares for one’s vanity…!
The atmosphere in Auroville, probably, is not good; it sure is not good enough! And
it seems that wherever and whenever it can slip off and go wrong, it does and it
happens!
Kenneth is having troubles again, this time externally triggered by his house having
been broken in, in a rather weird fashion; he needs people to stay near him: he
came here to ask for help, just as I was listening to G.M’s accounts of another
dramatic meeting at Matrimandir; we both agreed to go and spend tomorrow night
with him at his place… (It seems that both Arjun and Piero have gone very far into