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aggressed me suddenly, shouting at me that I had a “bad gaze”; there was a kind
of venom in it, that stunned me; but by the time I was already about to leave; I
just walked away… I feel that this has been fed by my refusal to comply with the
“decision” to follow Roger A’s design and my silent position of not compromising
with the dishonesty displayed… But this depressed me… I came home and lay down
for longer than usual…
And all this seemed to be so ridiculous, all this discipline one puts to oneself, and
being regular and steady, on top of things, “on schedule”, all so absurd when, in
fact, one is merely carried away on the treacherous wing of human time…
… I am reading an interesting book, written by Badinter, on the question of justice
in contemporary societies, and his own experience as a criminal lawyer…
*26-3-1988, Auroville:
I attended the meeting at Matrimandir.
It has become concretely clear to me that we MUST have the courage and the
honesty, each of us, to integrate ALL the viewpoints, on any given issue, and try
and find their common spiritual or conscious resolution – and this can, no more be
a mental solution, but rather it has to be a direction, a way…
The play of reaction and conflict has lasted far too long; for too long it has blocked
the flow of the creative energies necessary for the change of condition, without
which our lives here are pointless…
But how to communicate what I feel? It often seems to me that the best is to
communicate silently…
*27-3-1988, Auroville:
Sunday clean-up… and, after our Sanskrit study (Su and I have taken this up some
time ago, with Toshi’s help), I sat to write down a paper on our collective process,
with the suggestion to introduce a new organic function, that of “gatherer” of
viewpoints, offerer to the Guidance, for each particular issue or problem… But I am
not sure that it is right for me to present it; perhaps this will evolve of itself?
*28-3-1988, Auroville:
There’s now the story of the planning of the “Ring Road”, with G.G’s office ordering
surveys of the area and workers breaking the fence and planting sticks and markers
and measuring right across the garden… Their proposed road now cuts right
through the buildings here, regardless; but among themselves they fight over the
actual length of the radius of the central circle… I let the survey continue this time,
provided they wouldn’t touch any tree, as G.G declared this was for the purpose of
drawing a precise map, so they could adapt to what already exists…
And this evening P came to make sure of my position, as he’d been surprised and
alarmed to find that I’d let it happen (the week before I had closed the fence
back)… He came like a brother and I was glad of it, after these years of uneasy
silence between us…
*29-3-1988, Auroville:
There was a long session in G.G’s office at Bharat Nivas this morning, with us
making our point clear, and poring over maps, and blowing at Ajit – his insect-like