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back after very long, like perhaps several lives, and being welcomed by me; and
she goes on telling me of her attachment to me, and of her wish to come to
Auroville alone – without J.Y – and to come to me, to be with me where I live… It
isn’t the letter of someone who is exalted, or un-balanced; its tone is quiet and
there is some sort of honesty in it, and gentleness… So, what is it? I wish I had a
letter from J.Y too; she implies that he has grown very much attached to her, and
has changed his whole life since they met… What is all this about?
*17-3-1988, Auroville:
I just passed my princess on the way back from work; she was riding behind Diane
on their Moped – I only had a glimpse of her thick, wonderful, copper-coloured hair
and her adorable little face with those piercing blue eyes… Diane’s face was a grim
mask...
Will there never be any opening?
Is my life, and all I am and can become, wholly in Your hands, Mother?
… As it is up to me to make my own discipline and set tasks to myself for the sake
of being at least of some relative use in the general economy of things, it
sometimes feels so pointless – I might as well do nothing at all, it wouldn’t make
any difference whatsoever, except I wouldn’t be any happier… And so I continue
with my chosen routine, waiting, waiting for what… I do not know… That the ego
gives way and there flows the Presence… that Matrimandir is ready to be an active
centre of Your Force and circumstances be guided by It…?
… Y came this evening, after long; his wife had their first baby, a girl, and has now
gone to her family for a few weeks… Unlike N, Y comes to me with his own desire,
and there’s real tenderness that comes from the many years he worked with me
here; and this evening, as he made to leave, we hugged, and kissed, and he
wanted us to be naked as we used to, years ago, and I went along with it, as this
was offered…
*19-3-1988, Auroville:
I attended the general meeting at Matrimandir. The main topic – or pretext for it –
was the issue of these two Cheques that came through the SAS and were accepted,
as it seems Roger A put all his weight on it… It eventually became clearer that the
way Auroville as a collectivity has been reaching decisions or making choices, in the
past several years, is becoming unacceptable to more and more of us… And I was
able to cite the instance of the use of “majority vote” in that meeting of October 15
as an example of it…
*21-3-1988, Auroville:
N came early this morning, saying he’d lost the money I’d given him yesterday for
his needs; that someone had stolen it from his clothes… But this was just once
more that he’d lost money, or things given him, and it has reached a limit for me; I
refused to give him more…
*24-3-1988, Auroville:
After “Ravena” this morning I went to Matrimandir to spend a while with the small
concreting of one of the entrances slabs; something went off in Narayana’s head,
about the way I was supposed to have looked at him when I came, and he