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condition. But it is this strange alchemy between vibrations, vibrations as chemical
elements, and also perhaps internal modes of functioning, that does it… But how? I
want to find that out…!
*14-4-1988, Auroville:
I guess I have gone a little deeper in that part of the “forest” – as Satprem calls it –
wherein happen all the body-sensations: of discomfort, harmony or disorder, or
various aches and alarms, and constant adjustments and adaptations, in a sort of
perpetually precarious balance… I have been “there” for years already, but now it is
as if nothing much else happened, and it is also taking another dimension as a sort
of struggle unfolds between the habit of ageing, and the spontaneous, conscious
need in the body to keep growing and developing and learning about harmony and
how it is to manifest…
… Last night, at the moment of sliding into sleep, very late, that breathing trouble
recurred; I suddenly realised that my body was cold and covered with a sort of
immobile shiver, almost like goose-bumps, and the normal breathing had ceased;
instead, this other, internal breathing, almost still, was going on, that kind of
breathing that occurs during cataleptic states… I don’t know what this stands for…
*16-4-1988, Auroville:
After the morning work I cycled back to Vijay’s, to select some natural pearls and
to talk with him of the possibilities to work with all the materials he has collected
and gathered and try something creative with it, which he does not have the time
to do; it seemed that he’d be happy if I would take this up… But I would have to
finish “Ravena” first…
… I am reading “The Native Son”, by Richard Wright, a difficult, but truthful book…
*19-4-1988, Auroville:
F told me today of a whole series of meetings during the past week, about
Auroville’s future as a legal body, and various Governmental moves… I knew
nothing of it!
*20-4-1988, Auroville:
I am now reading this beautiful book by Alice Walker, “The Colour Purple”…
*21-4-1988, Auroville:
Early this morning Krishna came in, offered perfume to Su and asked me to come
over and see him… He is feeling lonely, rotten, and often panicky…; and that his life
in Auroville has become meaningless; he worries about his kidneys; his passport is
expiring and there’s no Moroccan Embassy in India any more; he want to leave, to
go away… But this, I know, can’t be the answer to his needs…
And I see how I myself need an atmosphere around me that isn’t influenced by
people’s emotions and reactions, however dear and close they may be…
He seemed to feel better after we’d talked, quietly…
… Later in the day I also went and visited with Kenneth, who had been waiting for
it; he too is finding his solitude hard to bear…