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*25-3-1989, Auroville:
I had a long quiet walk on the beach. Sometimes there is a surge of pure
enthusiasm, because It is, because of the Gift of Awareness, in which all mental
and emotional conceptions of the Divine happily drop and melt away and remains
only the sense of an infinite, limitless Possibility…
… At Matrimandir, LN seems to have decided to team up with me; I don’t mind, I
think I can work with anybody there, for the time being.
I am more exposed to the general atmosphere of Auroville these days, to what
people think, to their movements and little choices in life, and… it isn’t a very
supportive atmosphere: it is rather grey and hollow, and a little sad, in spite of all
the show of social “fun”…
*27-3-1989, Auroville:
This has been a charged day, but I am learning. At every point one must check for
resurgences of ego, but I learn not to do it negatively, but to place it before the
growth of the “vrai regard”, the “true position”… One feels supported then, and
what was felt as impossibilities begins to appear as mere absurdities, irrelevant
inconsistencies; at the same time the necessity is even more imperative to be at
peace – a sort of neutral, blank, attuned immobility…
… O Mother, make this awareness safe, secure and solid… This is so beautiful, this
is the way…!
… Within the present play of forces, reactions and formations at Matrimandir, I have
felt it was necessary and only fair to try and open the communication with Piero
regarding all the work and particularly the work on the pillars; I approached him
this morning and we met for over an hour; I feel a drive to make myself available
for a breakthrough in the present situation – mainly between Roger A and Piero –
so that the spirit of Matrimandir itself may indicate how it all must be done,
materially… And the pillars are logically the starting-point…
*28-3-1989, Auroville:
After the work at Janet’s this evening I went back to Matrimandir to meet with
Arjun; he’d asked for a talk about the situation and the work; he wants me very
much to start the work on the pillars, regardless of Piero’s response to it; after a
while Toine joined in, and we shared a long, honest conversation of about two
hours; I better see the actual situation now, with its entrenchments, and the more I
see of it, the more absurd it appears to me… Please, keep me secure, Mother!
… I actually enjoy the work in the Chamber now, and LN seems to have adopted
me; I still have qualms and misgivings, though, about trying to complete the
Chamber when the rest of the sphere is still so far from completion; and therefore I
must do my best and find the courage and the support to also start the work on the
4 pillars… Show me, make the way…!
*30-3-1989, Auroville:
I had a three-hour session with Catherine this evening on the work of the pillars,
with all the drawings and calculations, seeing details and various possibilities in
relation to other elements of Roger A’s plan… We studied on the structure, by the
structure and later, at dark, in the office, and so far solutions that are synthetic and
harmonious seem to emerge from the very physicality of Matrimandir; I find
Catherine to be open and attentive… The next steps will be to check with Toine for